Pure Happiness, Being Hangry, and Best Weekend Status Updates.

Make the weekend last longer, share these…

20 Best Status Updates from this Weekend:

  1. The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
  2. I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
  3. Mission Impossible? He’s done four of them now. Let’s call it “Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable”
  4. I love how old people see me as a technology prodigy. So much praise just for saving a picture to their computer’s desktop.
  5. Dating an ex is the equivalent of failing a test you already had the answers to.
  6. WHAT IF PEOPLE USED CAPS LOCK FOR EVERYTHING THEN USED LOWERCASE FOR EMPHASIS, THAT WOULD BE really weird.
  7. Car alarms but for when people get too close to you.
  8. I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
  9. Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
  10. “You’re shitting me!” – Everything you eat.
  11. I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
  12. Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion.
  13. Why are there so many commercials for toilet paper? Who is not buying it?
  14. The easiest way to get a woman’s full attention is to ignore her. That shit really motivates us.
  15. Last person to like this wins a prize.
  16. In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
  17. It’s tough being a people person when you can’t stand most people.
  18. Unless you’re music, I don’t want to listen to you.
  19. Sure you can touch my phone. I have nothing to hide … except your dead body if you do.
  20. I’m convinced that the employees of Ikea were just used to be customers who didn’t know how to get out and just gave up.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | *NEW* Splashy Fish 2 on Android (just like Flappy Bird!)

Pure Happiness = Husky + Massage

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Doesn’t get much happier than that! It’s crazy how much that Dog likes it :)

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Please check back on Monday for more funny status updates!

Meerkat Laughing, Seems Legit, and Weekend Status Updates

Relax, pick one that fits and share these….

Top 20 Weekend Status Updates:

  1. Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
  2. If a girl is really beautiful I end up complimenting her like I’m 5. You’re pretty. I like your hair. Neat shoes. Are you a princess? Hi.
  3. Technically, there is a lot of food in this house. However, none of it is sweet or microwavable. There is no food in this house.
  4. Success is not to be gauged by the position one has gained in life but by the obstacles one has endured.
  5. The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
  6. Do crabs think that fish can fly?
  7. Saying the word “awkward” in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
  8. I am not afraid of heights, deep water, and love. I am afraid of falling, drowning, and a broken heart.
  9. I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
  10. Why is the ‘It’s Complicated’ button only for ‘In a Relationship’ and not for ‘Family’, ‘Career’, ‘Beliefs’, ‘Age’ or ‘Friends’?
  11. I want to be the reason you don’t want to go to sleep and can’t wait to wake up.
  12. If the ice melts before you finish your drink, we can’t be friends.
  13. If they actually made a drink called “Haterade” I’d probably buy it.
  14. A boy spends his time finding a girl to sleep with. A man spends his time looking for the woman worth waking up to.
  15. A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
  16. Taylor Swift rebounds better than the Knicks.
  17. If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
  18. I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
  19. Life is a confused teacher; first she gives the test then teaches the lesson.
  20. The only difference between a collector and a hoarder is the station the show is on.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Splashy Fish on Android (just like Flappy Bird!)

Meerkat gets Tickled…

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That sound is ridiculous :) Share if you enjoyed.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Please check back on Monday for more funny status updates!

Favorite Parent, Netflix Addiction, and Party Status Updates

Make your weekend last longer, share these…

Top 20 Party Time Status Updates:

  1. Oh, your in a relationship now? No more ‘LIKES’ for you!
  2. Last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person alive for Christmas… I woke up in a box.
  3. If you hear someone sing Jingle Bells and you don’t respond with Batman smells then I don’t wanna be friends with you.
  4. If weed is ever legalized, I can’t wait to see the commercials.
  5. Mornings = Laziness.
    Afternoon = Dying for a rest.
    Night = Can’t sleep.
  6. When someone says “ten years ago” I think about the 90’s not 2003.
  7. Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in??
  8. That awkward moment when you’re alone with someone you just met.
  9. Imagine if Drake and Taylor Swift were in a relationship and then broke up.
  10. In America she’s called “Miley” Cyrus, but in other countries she’s called “What America would be like if it were a person”.
  11. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon….
  12. Part of me says I can’t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, “Don’t listen to that guy. He’s drunk.”
  13. My boyfriends favorite time of the year isn’t christmas… it’s playoffs :/
  14. Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
  15. If you say “That reminds me of a good story,” I automatically think “This story’s gonna suck.”
  16. For Sale: Parachute. Used once. Never opened. Small stain…
  17. I make a great second impression.
  18. Still impressed with the dogs ability to play it cool about having eight nipples.
  19. Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
  20. Cop behind me just turned. Best unfollow ever.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Best Stocking Stuffer Under $25

You Win Netflix…

Who’s Your Favorite Parent??? (Hilarious!)

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Silly dad, mum always wins out ;)

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Please check back on Monday for more funny status updates!

Dem Eyes, Hold My Hand, & Weekend Status Updates

Make the weekend last, share these…

Top 20 Status Updates for the Weekend:

  1. How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.
  2. Don’t let little, stupid things break your happiness.
  3. I’m proficient in 3 languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm.
  4. That awkward moment when you’re trying not to look when someone is staring at you.
  5. Just leave it alone. If it’s meant to be, it will happen.
  6. People come and go in your life, but the right ones will always stay.
  7. Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.
  8. A fart is merely the cry of an imprisoned turd.
  9. Skipping the first piece of bread to get to the real bread.
  10. The girl of my dreams spoke to me last night and confirmed she’s not planning on making an appearance into my real life any time soon.
  11. To make a lot of money is my one goal in life. Turns out my laziness and lack of ambition is a really good goalie.
  12. If the elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs . . . one step at a time.
  13. I’m sick of alcohol taking credit for all my best bad decisions.
  14. One does not simply sing Bohemian Rhapsody without singing the guitar part.
  15. Now you understand why Peter Pan didn’t want to grow up.
  16. School for 12 years, college for 4 years, then you work until you die. Cool.
  17. Those memories that you randomly remember and you can’t stop smiling.
  18. That fake laugh you do when you didn’t understand what someone was telling you.
  19. Good times + Crazy friends = Amazing memories.
  20. I don’t care how small that spider is. I want it dead.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dem Eyes!

dem eyes

Big ole puppy dog… I mean kitty cutie eyes!

Dog has to hold owners hand while he’s driving because she’s scared…

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That was adorable! Pass it along if you enjoyed :)

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Please check back on Monday for more funny status updates!