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Funny Statuses + Police Dogs + Beer = Ruh Roh!

May 26, 2011

Be a Facebook Celebrity by posting these…

Funny Status Updates:

  • Getting my cat to “LOL” is a lot harder than it looks on the internet. (Courtesy of our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
  • If you think your boss is stupid, remember; you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.
  • Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
  • When I “rage against the machine” the machine is usually a printer.
  • “Magnets destroy credit cards.” Not nearly as much as happy hours and women.
  • Leaving Facebook for Twitter is like leaving the bar to go home.
  • If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  • If you want your children to listen to you, try talking softly to someone else.
  • There is little hope for the person who becomes addicted to cold turkey.
  • Hey single ladies, you want a boyfriend? Easy! Learn to shut up and dramatically lower your standards!
  • I’d like Facebook to suggest: Since you’ve just de-friended that loser, how about you get rid of some more  deadweight, like ……
  • Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
  • Instructions on how to keep an idiot busy: Read instructions again. (VIA:@FreeFunnyStuff )
  • The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen, and stupidity.
  • Yes, I read the Internet. But only for the articles.

Cute Status Update of the Day: You wanna know whos amazing & got the cutest smile ever? Read the first word again :)

Police Dog sniffed one too many suitcases…

Police dog sniffed one too many suitcases.

I guess that’s better than sniffing what he usually does.

The Newest in Beer Technology:

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Need more funny statuses, silly pics, and awesome videos?  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!

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Silly Status Updates & Best Baby Videos from Around the Web

May 12, 2011

Be the funniest person on Facebook by posting our…

Funny Statuses for Facebook:

  • I would be unstoppable if I could just get started. (Courtesy of our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
  • When people ask if they can get me anything, I always ask for a jetpack.
  • If you only speak one language you have no excuse to suck at it.
  • That awkward moment when you post a funny status on Facebook and someone has to ruin it by commenting being all serious!
  • Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
  • I’ve never been good at breakups. Breakdowns, those I got covered.
  • Who was the first to see a cow and think “I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?”
  • I can’t even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  • Billion Dollar Idea: Child-Cancelling Headphones.
  • Five American states that vaguely resemble Indian cuisine when spelled backwards: Aksala, Nogero, Sasnakra, Ohadi, Hatu.
  • I SAW YOUR COMMENT BEFORE YOU DELETED IT.. LIKE this if it ever happened with you :)
  • I’ve just started an online dating site for Siamese twins. It’s called Connect 4.
  • if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF (VIA:@FreeFunnyStuff )
  • When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.

Funny Picture to Post:

this is what happens in hotel rooms.

This is why we can’t go to nice places!

Link of the Day: Snowmobile Ride goes Very Bad, Very Quickly.

The Best BABY Videos from Around the web:

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Need more funny statuses, silly pics, and awesome videos?  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!

Filed Under: Facebook Status Updates Tagged With: , , , ,

Flower Hat for Hamster, Crying Babies on Planes, and Funny Status Updates

May 9, 2011

Happy Monday! Make your FB Friends laugh by posting these hilarious…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

  • What’s on your mind u ask? Well, Facebook.. I would tell u but you’re terrible at keeping secrets! (Courtesy of our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
  • The best way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
  • Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.
  • It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
  • A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.
  • Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
  • It’s funny how I’m good at giving advice to others, but when it comes to helping myself, I don’t know what to do. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  • Sometimes I eat things just to avoid the temptation of eating them later.
  • When someone texts you “hahahahaha!!” instead of “haha” or “lol”, you know you’ve done well.
  • Just because you don`t believe me, doesn’t mean that I’m lying.
  • I don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends I can be certain of.
  • That awkward moment when you’re in the grocery store and someone is standing in front of the item you need, so you pretend to look at something else until they move.
  • I’m not anti-social. I just don’t like you.
  • People in this office are weird. Not like me and my hundreds of imaginary internet friends. (VIA:@FreeFunnyStuff )
  • I hate when people watch me using the computer.
  • Deleting my feelings for you…….. ERROR! File too big!

Funny picture to Post:

Hamster wearing a flower for a hat.

How to make crying babies on a plane more tolerable:

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LOL, that guys facial expressions are classic.

Want more funny status updates, hilarious pics, and epic videos?  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!

Filed Under: Facebook Status Updates Tagged With: , , , ,

Make Monday Count by posting these funny statuses…

January 31, 2011

Welcome back friends!  Hope you had a wonderful weekend.  Seems like we had a lot of people Addicted to Facebook in our quiz yesterday.  Continue your addiction by making your Facebook friends laugh by posting these…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App)
  • Don’t hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon.
  • Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed. Chocolate makes it worthwhile.
  • Thinking of cryogenically freezing myself until they can find a cure for unemployment.
  • If you are what you eat, I’d like to order something rich.
  • How come we live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors & furniture polish is made from real lemons?
  • If idiots could fly this place would be an airport. ツ ( “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily Funny Status Updates)
  • A lot of people have a fear of flying. Not me. I have a fear of crashing and dying.
  • My college years were spent failing the entrance exam of every girl I met.
  • When I want to show off my best curves, I smile.
  • Q is just O with something in its teeth.
  • Why does gigahertz? Because megabytez.
  • Buffet; n. A French word that means get up and get it yourself.
  • Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. (From our Twitter Account: @FreeFunnyStuff )
  • I am a wizard with the ladies. Okay, well, I can make them disappear.

Funny Picture to Post:

When losing a toe, it’s important to keep your sense of humor

Awesome Video to Post:

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How awesome is that?  Ukraines got talent for sure!

Thanks for stopping by, make sure to check in tomorrow for more funny statuses! If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Filed Under: Facebook Status Updates Tagged With: , , , , ,
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