Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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If success seems unlikely, that should be your reason to push even harder.

Life Status Updates

04/23/2013

You know people be creepin' when they like a Status update from a week ago.

Facebook Status Updates

03/28/2013

I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm.

Misc. Status Updates

10/29/2012

Cheating on a good woman is like eating out of the trash instead going out for steak.

Women Status Updates

10/23/2012

I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.

Misc. Status Updates

10/06/2012

If you’re riding shotgun, you’re automatically on cop look-out. With great power comes great responsibility.

Life Status Updates

09/20/2012

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5 or 6 times, just to be sure.

Life Status Updates

08/09/2012

It's a crazy day when guys wanna see a movie about a teddy bear and girls wanna see a movie about strippers.

Movies / Televison Status Updates

07/09/2012

There are only a few people I can say “You’re one of the few friends I enjoy being with more in person than on Facebook.”

Facebook Status Updates

07/03/2012

I can't promise you a perfect relationship, but what I can promise you is that if you're trying, I'm staying.

Relationship Status Updates

04/08/2012

Turning off the downstairs lights and running upstairs so no one kills you.

Misc. Status Updates

03/01/2012

The problem with America is stupidity. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

International Status Updates

02/27/2012

When I say "the other day", it can mean any time up to a year ago.

Misc. Status Updates

01/07/2012

LIKE If you post status or picture, then realize you forgot something, go to delete it and someone had liked it already putting you in an awkward position.

Misc. Status Updates

01/01/2012

LIKE if you've tried to have a diary but failed epically.

Life Status Updates

12/30/2011

That awkward moment when you finish a good book / TV series and you have to face the reality of your boring life.

Awkward Moment When

12/26/2011

Insecure Girlfriend...

12/24/2011

I wish you could pick a brand of car, and every few years you'd get an upgrade. Like with phones.

Phone Status Updates

11/16/2011

Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. Then this will be my last status update.

Religion Status Updates

11/06/2011

LIKE IF you've claimed a headache to get out of things because your to lazy to go.

Health Status Updates

10/20/2011

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