Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says "haha good one" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.

Silly Status Updates

05/13/2013

I love smiling at random people. Some of them smile back. Some of them get really creeped out, but that makes it worth it.

Silly Status Updates

05/09/2013

You'd be amazed how often I'm wrong when people say guess what.

Silly Status Updates

04/22/2013

I'm an amazing cuddler. I'm not nationally ranked or anything but I dominate the local circuits.

Silly Status Updates

04/18/2013

I'm not shy. I'm just very good at figuring out who's worth talking to.

Silly Status Updates

04/16/2013

IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together.

Silly Status Updates

04/16/2013

I put the "Pro" in Procrastinate.

Silly Status Updates

04/11/2013

My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively

Silly Status Updates

03/27/2013

Don't let idiots ruin your day.

Silly Status Updates

03/20/2013

If your name exceeds four syllables, I'm gonna just call you "hey"

Silly Status Updates

03/11/2013

We all have that one person in our group of friends that we'd never hang out with one-on-one.

Silly Status Updates

02/24/2013

I'm going to act like you're typo didn't happen because I like you.

Misc. Status Updates

02/17/2013

I used to like to get glue on my fingers so I could peel it off when it dried. I dunno why I brought that up, but I know I’m not alone here.

Silly Status Updates

02/02/2013

myself. Sometimes I get ahead of

Silly Status Updates

02/02/2013

You think you're pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else's shower.

Silly Status Updates

01/13/2013

You never know what you've got until... you clean your room.

Silly Status Updates

01/03/2013

The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.

Silly Status Updates

12/27/2012

Some people are about as useful as the first "r" in February.

Silly Status Updates

12/25/2012

I hate when cashiers ask "Is that everything?" Uh no, I'd also like all this invisible stuff...

Silly Status Updates

12/20/2012

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Misc. Status Updates

12/16/2012

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