Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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Tell someone, "You wore that shirt the day after yesterday" and see how long it takes them to get it.

Cute Status Updates

05/16/2013

When standing in line, I only hate the people in front of me. Everyone behind me is cool.

Silly Status Updates

05/05/2013

Who's Afraid Of What

03/11/2013

Why are there so many commercials for toilet paper? Who is not buying it?

Movies / Televison Status Updates

03/04/2013

Next time I’m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I’m going to turn around and say, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here.”

Silly Status Updates

03/02/2013

Look, lying on my bed all day isn't being lazy. I'm just waiting. And you know what they say "Good things come to those who wait".

Silly Status Updates

02/03/2013

What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!

Food Status Updates

02/02/2013

I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it.

Life Status Updates

11/08/2012

I wish the dollar store sold gas.

Financial Status Updates

11/07/2012

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has got to be one of my top 5 favorite songs about identity theft.

Silly Status Updates

10/31/2012

When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see him too?”

Food Status Updates

10/30/2012

If I actually "spoke my mind", I'd be in deep trouble.

Life Status Updates

10/25/2012

I don't understand why people need to drink and do drugs to have fun, have you tried mac'n'cheese?!?!

Food Status Updates

10/22/2012

When I laugh at jokes from the Internet, I don't actually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose or mouth than usual.

Computer Status Updates

10/20/2012

Half the time I agree with people so they'll shut up.

Misc. Status Updates

10/11/2012

Just checked my Farmville for the first time in a year. It's now a Walmart.

Facebook Status Updates

10/07/2012

I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday.

Silly Status Updates

10/05/2012

Considering what Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark did with their wealth, Bill Gates should be ashamed of himself.

Silly Status Updates

09/25/2012

Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.

Silly Status Updates

09/24/2012

The problem with the world today is that the smart people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.

Silly Status Updates

09/22/2012

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