Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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Admit it. At some point in your life you've tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light turns off.

Food Status Updates

03/05/2013

I'd rather not eat than go to the store for one ingredient that I'm missing.

Food Status Updates

01/24/2013

No one is more judgmental than a waitress questioning if you've saved room for dessert.

Food Status Updates

12/27/2012

Thank goodness it was Twinkies and not Bacon.

Food Status Updates

11/26/2012

I don't think of it as eating grapes, I think of it as preventing future raisins. Some call me a hero.

Food Status Updates

11/25/2012

I think falling in/being in/falling out of love has been pretty well documented. Why aren't there more songs about being hungry?

Food Status Updates

11/19/2012

Hey Subway, just make everything 5 dollars forever and shut the hell up.

Food Status Updates

11/13/2012

You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.

Food Status Updates

11/06/2012

If I owned a diner I'd have a sandwich called "The Usual" so everyone would feel special.

Food Status Updates

10/31/2012

The sense of success when you've had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.

Food Status Updates

10/13/2012

Bacon-Wrap Everything.

Food Status Updates

10/09/2012

The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.

Food Status Updates

08/30/2012

It’s sad how food nowadays needs “being made with the actual ingredient” as a selling point.

Food Status Updates

08/27/2012

We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.

Food Status Updates

08/15/2012

SO HUNGRY.. but not hungry enough to get up and get food.

Food Status Updates

08/14/2012

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.

Food Status Updates

08/05/2012

Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.

Food Status Updates

07/31/2012

I just burned 1200 calories. I forgot the pizza in the oven.

Food Status Updates

07/18/2012

Wait, don't eat yet! Let me take a picture of it at an artsy angle, add Instagram effects, and upload it to Facebook!

Facebook Status Updates

07/18/2012

LIKE if you text with your pinky because you’re eating.

Food Status Updates

06/28/2012

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