Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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You think I'm not online. But I'm always here. Even if I'm not liking/commenting. I'm here. Scrolling. Judging.

Computer Status Updates

05/21/2013

Sometimes I think Facebook is trying to insult me by some of its friend suggestions.

Facebook Status Updates

05/20/2013

Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."

Animal Status Updates

05/15/2013

Life is like "Facebook" - People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.

Facebook Status Updates

04/29/2013

Deleting my school so I can focus on Facebook.

School Status Updates

04/17/2013

Do you know that feeling when you have a lot of work to do and don't know where to start? That's why I'm on Facebook.

Facebook Status Updates

04/14/2013

I know I'm paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?

Silly Status Updates

04/10/2013

My swimsuit told me to go to the gym. But my sweatpants were like, nah girl, you're good!

Women Status Updates

04/10/2013

The best thing about marriage is never needing to use Google. Wives know everything!

Relationship Status Updates

04/01/2013

If you LIKE this status someone you hate will step on a lego.

Facebook Status Updates

03/07/2013

Dating an ex is the equivalent of failing a test you already had the answers to.

Relationship Status Updates

03/05/2013

Instead of cashiers saying "here's your receipt" they should say "will you throw this away for me?"

Funny Questions

02/25/2013

Facebook: where all your stupid questions can be answered by stupider people.

Facebook Status Updates

02/24/2013

Happy Birthday forever to everyone on Facebook!! Whew, glad I got that out of the way.

Facebook Status Updates

02/13/2013

LIKE if you laugh harder when you try to explain why you're laughing.

Cute Status Updates

02/12/2013

Instead of calling it the John, I'm going to start calling my bathroom the "Jim". That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Health Status Updates

02/07/2013

My life is a bunch of "it seemed like a good idea at the time" moments.

Life Status Updates

02/03/2013

Did you know that people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses? That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Crazy Dave's Furniture Emporium.

Facebook Status Updates

02/02/2013

Facebook is constantly changing the way it looks regardless of how often it's told that it looks fine. Facebook is a woman.

Facebook Status Updates

01/30/2013

Whenever I see an argument on Facebook, I just sit there refreshing the page while thinking to myself ",This is gonna be good!"

Facebook Status Updates

01/29/2013

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