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Remember that no matter how much somebody loves you, there is a dog somewhere that loves you more.

Animal Status Updates

06/17/2013

Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."

Animal Status Updates

05/15/2013

Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.

Animal Status Updates

05/12/2013

Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Animal Status Updates

05/12/2013

Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after you’re in an argument you’ll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute.

Animal Status Updates

05/09/2013

My dog is cooler than most people.

Animal Status Updates

04/22/2013

It's impossible for pigs to look up at the sky so if you ever get the chance to hold baby pigs, show em' the sky.

Animal Status Updates

04/10/2013

I'm a non-violent person until I see a spider... Then I turn into Al Capone, "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!"

Animal Status Updates

03/29/2013

Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes.

Animal Status Updates

03/11/2013

Sometimes I think I'm too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to take a dump.

Animal Status Updates

02/23/2013

I would like monkey bars a lot more if they were less like playground equipment and more like places where monkeys got really drunk.

Animal Status Updates

02/20/2013

When my dog sniffs another dog's poop I can only assume that it's their equivalent to checking a friend's facebook page.

Animal Status Updates

02/19/2013

I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.

Animal Status Updates

02/12/2013

I'd rather be dangerously playing with wolves than stupidly sleeping with sheep.

Animal Status Updates

01/29/2013

Nothing says "I don't take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you are scolding them for being naughty.

Animal Status Updates

01/26/2013

I feel guilty when my dog can smell another dog on me? I feel like I've been cheating...

Animal Status Updates

01/16/2013

I'm forever disappointed that a group of squids isn't called a squad.

Animal Status Updates

11/15/2012

Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute.

Animal Status Updates

11/08/2012

Dogs are tough. I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.

Animal Status Updates

10/17/2012

What does a religious mouse pray to? Cheeses.

Animal Status Updates

09/08/2012

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