Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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Most animals get funnier when you shave them. Not bears. Bears get even more terrifying.

08/18/2011

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

Phone Status Updates

07/05/2011

LIKE IF you put things in a safe place and then forget where the safe place is ツ

Facebook Status Updates

06/16/2011

I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Misc. Status Updates

05/09/2013

A pretty face gets old, a nice body changes, but a good woman will always be a good woman.

Women Status Updates

05/08/2013

PRINGLES: The only chip company in the world that doesn't sell air.

Food Status Updates

05/07/2013

Cousins are usually the first friends we have as children. No one will ever understand your crazy family like your cousins do even if you haven't talked much lately. Share or LIKE this if you have the best cousins in the world!!!

Viral Status Updates

03/13/2012

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash - Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

News Status Updates

10/06/2011

Did you know? Its impossible to say "Good Eye Might" without sounding Australian? LIKE if you tried :)

International Status Updates

07/09/2011

LIKE IF YOU CAN`T LIVE WITHOUT : ╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗ ║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝ ║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗ ╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝

Symbol Status Updates

06/01/2011

I'm sorry I offended you when I called you a bitch, I honestly thought you knew.

Silly Status Updates

05/16/2013

I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I'm sorry. but I've moved on.

Financial Status Updates

05/15/2013

I wish some people could actually see their personality when they look in a mirror.

Misc. Status Updates

05/13/2013

I think, therefore we have nothing in common.

Misc. Status Updates

05/09/2013

Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.

Food Status Updates

05/09/2013

You're the last thing I see when I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I wake up... Phone, I love you.

Phone Status Updates

05/08/2013

Do you ever just wake up and go “nope” and roll over and go back to sleep?

Funny Questions

05/02/2013

Speak English, kiss French, drive German, dress Italian, spend Arab, party Caribbean.

International Status Updates

04/25/2013

Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don’t serve breakfast?

Food Status Updates

02/05/2013

(ಥ_ಥ) ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ \~~~~/ \___/¬ || \░/ ƒree water made of tears

Symbol Status Updates

10/19/2011

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