Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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I'm a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you're responsible for this."

Silly Status Updates

05/16/2013

Exercise…ex…er…cise…..ex…ar…..size……eggs…are…sides….for bacon. Bacon.

Health Status Updates

05/16/2013

I'm having one of those days where when I get home I'm going to lean against the door, and slide down it while dramatically sighing.

Movies / Televison Status Updates

05/16/2013

I'm sorry I offended you when I called you a bitch, I honestly thought you knew.

Silly Status Updates

05/16/2013

Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?

Funny Questions

05/16/2013

That awkward moment when you check the time on your phone, don't remember what it said.

Awkward Moment When

05/16/2013

Tell someone, "You wore that shirt the day after yesterday" and see how long it takes them to get it.

Cute Status Updates

05/16/2013

I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I'm sorry. but I've moved on.

Financial Status Updates

05/15/2013

Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."

Animal Status Updates

05/15/2013

Stu(dying) Stu(died) Coincidence? I think not.

School Status Updates

05/15/2013

Dear Netflix, quit asking. I always want to continue to the next episode.

Computer Status Updates

05/15/2013

Don't dwell on your past, disappointments, or failures, you can't trip on something behind you.

Life Status Updates

05/14/2013

Local news is like Facebook. You get stories you don't care about, some jerk talks about weather and it all ends with pictures of animals doing funny stuff.

News Status Updates

05/14/2013

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

School Status Updates

05/14/2013

Things I didn't learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.

School Status Updates

05/14/2013

The best things in life aren't things.

Misc. Status Updates

05/14/2013

That awkward moment when you leave the shop without buying anything and all you can think is, 'act natural, you're innocent'.

Awkward Moment When

05/14/2013

05/14/2013

I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says "haha good one" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.

Silly Status Updates

05/13/2013

If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.

Food Status Updates

05/13/2013

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