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Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I’ve never met, and Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know.

06/06/2011

Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I’ve never met, and Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know.

09/05/2011

Breaking up on Twitter: It's not @you it's @me.

08/07/2011

When God asks what you've done with your life, try not to say "Didn't you read my tweets?"

08/18/2011

I left MySpace for Facebook, and now I'm cheating on Facebook with Twitter.

05/28/2011

I'm trying not to panic but I just found out that Santa Claus unfollowed me.

08/15/2011

Why is twitter better than Facebook? Because you can update your status every minute without looking insane!

08/08/2011

Twitter aka The Worlds Biggest Justin Bieber Fan Club.

11/06/2011

You don’t have to like me. I’m not a facebook status.

05/26/2011

Dear Twitter, Thank you for killing my cell-phone battery on a daily basis. Sincerely Everyone.

10/05/2011

Twitter slowly becoming full of more and more dull Facebook style status updates. P.S I'm eating toast. LOL.

11/21/2011

Dear Facebook friends who are now getting a Twitter, i made a twitter to get away from you. Sincerely, GTFO!

11/03/2011

Mirrors retweet reality.

08/12/2011

Old people on Twitter are called "tweezers."

11/13/2011

That awkward moment when my Twitter crush starts following me and I have to start watching what I post.

11/23/2011

Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass.

05/31/2011

I am pretty sure that we will be the first generation that will use our twitter handles on our headstones.

12/21/2011

What I hate most about Twitter: finishing a good tweet, having -1 characters left, and then having to decide which grammar crime to commi

02/28/2012

Exit Twitter, close laptop, get into bed, unlock phone, check Twitter.

04/05/2012

I think calling followers followers is a bit pretentious. I prefer to think of them as curious observers.

05/26/2011

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