Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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Not being able to pull off a prank because you're laughing like an idiot the whole time.

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04/08/2012

I don’t understand how there hasn’t been a teenage president already; they know everything, so running a country shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

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04/10/2012

The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop...

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04/14/2012

I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?

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04/16/2012

The best kinds of laughter: 1) Laughing so hard that your laugh becomes silent. 2) Feeling a 6 pack coming. 3) Tears in your eyes.

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04/17/2012

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. You ain't nothing but a hoe. You think you're cool, you think you're classy. Reality Check: You're really trashy.

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04/20/2012

Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly.

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04/24/2012

Every now and then I stop and think "I know you can hear my thoughts". Just in case...

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05/01/2012

The biggest lie I tell myself is: "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

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05/02/2012

Everyone has that "make the other person sound incredibly stupid" voice when describing an argument.

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05/03/2012

No pants are the best pants.

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01/04/2013

Keeping a can of gray spray paint in your car is a lot cheaper than a ticket for parking in the red zone.

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05/08/2012

LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you're just that hilarious.

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05/09/2012

You never realize how weird your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.

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05/09/2012

Things I want most: to eat without gaining weight, good grades without having to study, and paid to sleep.

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05/13/2012

I hate it when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn't follow the script.

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05/15/2012

Looking at the time, then having to look back a second later because you can't remember what it said the first time.

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05/28/2012

The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

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05/29/2012

The world would be a much cleaner place if we just gave blind people brooms instead of canes.

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05/30/2012

Getting angry at people when we listen to them breathing or eating is called Misophonia, which is an actual brain disorder.

Silly Status Updates

06/02/2012

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