Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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That fake laugh you do when you don’t understand what somebody just said to you.

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08/31/2011

The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.

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12/27/2012

Sarcasm is my body's natural defense against stupid.

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08/04/2012

Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if ever fifth caller was a winner.

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09/16/2012

Everyone has that "make the other person sound incredibly stupid" voice when describing an argument.

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05/03/2012

I know I'm paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?

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04/10/2013

LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you're just that hilarious.

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05/09/2012

If you're ever attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

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09/04/2012

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

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05/08/2013

That one friend that can make anything funny just by the way they talk.

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12/10/2012

Dear Thursday, Move out of the freaking way. Sincerely Friday

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05/26/2011

Santa is so jolly cause he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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12/18/2012

My goal is to be just the right amount of crazy to make everyone else doubt their sanity.

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10/02/2012

I have come terms with the fact that I will always have the handwriting of a 7th grader.

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03/05/2012

When I was born, I was so surprised, that's why I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

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11/03/2011

I watch pom. You probably misread that, LIKE if you did ;)

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12/06/2011

Flies only live for 24 hours. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those ones magically live forever!

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06/10/2012

Look, lying on my bed all day isn't being lazy. I'm just waiting. And you know what they say "Good things come to those who wait".

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02/03/2013

I think I may be emotionally constipated...I haven't given a crap in days.

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01/13/2013

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

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05/27/2011

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