Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your dick grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!!

Sex Status Updates

05/20/2013

Having sex is like vacuuming; Hopefully it's loud, involves lots of sucking, and it's best if you do it often in every room of the house.

Sex Status Updates

04/28/2013

I think im gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it.

Sex Status Updates

04/24/2013

Shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick.

Sex Status Updates

04/23/2013

Showing cleavage doesn't fix your face.

Sex Status Updates

04/16/2013

Fact: Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.

Sex Status Updates

04/14/2013

What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water?... It's gonna take a while to get me hard. I just got laid by some chick.

Sex Status Updates

03/30/2013

Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on and approve of at the same time.

Sex Status Updates

03/27/2013

The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during sex.

Sex Status Updates

03/20/2013

At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don't trust women.

Sex Status Updates

03/13/2013

There are teenagers having unprotected sex, but have cases on their cell phones. Just let that sink in for a moment.

Sex Status Updates

03/12/2013

I have benefits if anybody needs a friend.

Sex Status Updates

03/07/2013

People go to "sex rehab" because there isn't a "got caught cheating rehab."

Sex Status Updates

02/20/2013

You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Sex Status Updates

01/23/2013

If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.

Sex Status Updates

01/22/2013

If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.

Sex Status Updates

01/21/2013

You say I’m "Dirty minded" but then how did you understand what I meant?

Sex Status Updates

01/16/2013

I always wince when someone tells me they're going to hit the sack.

Sex Status Updates

01/15/2013

Top 3 jobs from best to worst: blow, hand, real.

Sex Status Updates

01/14/2013

I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer but I'm a damn good screw.

Sex Status Updates

01/13/2013

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