Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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It can take me anywhere between 0.02 seconds and 3 days to reply to a text.

Phone Status Updates

05/12/2013

You're the last thing I see when I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I wake up... Phone, I love you.

Phone Status Updates

05/08/2013

Dear those people who use their cellphones as a personal stereo in public, stop it. Sincerely, Everybody.

Phone Status Updates

05/01/2013

People only call and text me when I'm trying to nap.

Phone Status Updates

04/30/2013

Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person says: hi

Phone Status Updates

04/29/2013

I wish memories were like text messages so we could delete the ones we dont like & keep the special ones forever.

Phone Status Updates

04/25/2013

A lie everyone tells = "Hey! I just got your text!"

Phone Status Updates

04/24/2013

I text back embarrassingly fast or three hours later there is no in between.

Phone Status Updates

04/21/2013

Accidentally sending ;) instead of :) and feeling like you've just offered them your body.

Phone Status Updates

04/18/2013

If I show you a picture on my phone, don’t swipe left, don’t swipe right. Just look.

Phone Status Updates

04/17/2013

Phone battery @ 28% = anxiety level @ 72%

Phone Status Updates

04/11/2013

Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.

Phone Status Updates

03/27/2013

I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2001.

Phone Status Updates

03/24/2013

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile.... then walk into a pole.

Phone Status Updates

03/20/2013

I think that a butt-dial is a polite form of booty-call.

Phone Status Updates

03/19/2013

I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone.

Phone Status Updates

03/18/2013

Don't you hate it when you miss a call by the last ring, but when you immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail? What did the person do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

Phone Status Updates

03/12/2013

They can go ahead and change the name "land line" to "cell phone finder" now.

Phone Status Updates

03/07/2013

Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation.

Phone Status Updates

03/06/2013

Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"

Phone Status Updates

02/28/2013

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