Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

Funny Status Updates for Facebook - iPhone/iPod App ONLY $.99cents Funny Status Updates for Facebook App is ★★★Now Available for ANDROID★★★

Sort By:
Newest
Random
Most LIKEs:
48 hours
Week
Month
All Time

Local news is like Facebook. You get stories you don't care about, some jerk talks about weather and it all ends with pictures of animals doing funny stuff.

News Status Updates

05/14/2013

Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?

News Status Updates

03/26/2013

Wonder if anyone actually acts like a crazy racist nutjob to avoid jury duty.

News Status Updates

03/20/2013

Breaking News: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site, he is miraculously unharmed. Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.

News Status Updates

02/17/2013

I need to go watch the news now so that all of your statuses will make sense.

News Status Updates

02/13/2013

Why is the media so negative? Instead of "Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen", why not "Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear"?

News Status Updates

01/29/2013

So if guns kill people...I suppose pencils misspell words, Cars drive drunk, And spoons make people fat?

News Status Updates

11/13/2012

I wish politicians cared half as much about doing their job as they do about getting elected.

News Status Updates

11/05/2012

Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.

News Status Updates

11/04/2012

Sandy would have been a much better name for a huge sandstorm than for a hurricane.

News Status Updates

10/31/2012

If Obama wins, I'm leaving the country. If Romney wins, I'm still leaving the country. This is not a political post I just want to travel.

News Status Updates

10/30/2012

NYC is so empty, besides Will Smith and that German Shepard I haven't seen anyone.

News Status Updates

10/29/2012

What if gangnam style is a rain dance...and we brought Sandy upon ourselves?

News Status Updates

10/29/2012

Morgan Freeman did an Obama commercial… That's like using a cheat code.

News Status Updates

10/22/2012

I'd like to know what Obama or Romney propose to do about Youtube buffering.

News Status Updates

10/18/2012

Everyone's all like "I love Obama" or "I love Romney" and I'm over here like "I love wine".

News Status Updates

10/18/2012

Those stupid political guys need to stop arguing all the time. Can't they see they are upsetting all my friends on Facebook?

News Status Updates

10/14/2012

For the next debate the moderator needs a spray bottle and everytime someone interrupts he could just say "NO BAD PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE!!"

News Status Updates

10/08/2012

Presidents are really only in office for three years. The last year is spent campaigning for the next election.

News Status Updates

09/30/2012

In 2009 we lost Michael Jackson. Now we've lost Neil Armstrong. We're running out of moon walkers.

News Status Updates

09/01/2012

1
2
3
4
Next

Categories