Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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Just when you think it can't get any worse... there's always an idiot to prove you wrong.

Misc. Status Updates

06/13/2013

See someone you know in a store..... "WHAT'S UP MAN!!" Walk around and see them again..... Nod your head & slight wave See them a third time.... Avoid all eye contact.

Misc. Status Updates

06/03/2013

No, you don’t have “haters”. People just don’t like you. Get over yourself.

Misc. Status Updates

05/29/2013

Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don't get me started on the dinosaurs.

Misc. Status Updates

06/17/2013

Insomnia - the art of falling asleep just as your alarm goes off to start the day.

Misc. Status Updates

06/17/2013

My ceiling fan has 3 settings: 1. Very slow 2. Slow 3. I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident.

Misc. Status Updates

06/09/2013

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

Misc. Status Updates

06/09/2013

I got 99 problems and I can’t remember any of them so I guess that makes a hundred.

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06/13/2013

If I die in my sleep I can actually say I died doing what I love.

Misc. Status Updates

06/03/2013

Imagine this: you're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers "Bless you" and hangs up.

Misc. Status Updates

05/29/2013

I wish life had a "rewind-the-weekend" button.

Misc. Status Updates

05/27/2013

Everything's funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

Misc. Status Updates

05/27/2013

It's funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.

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05/22/2013

That scary moment when you feel like someone was right behind you cause air was blowing fast.

Misc. Status Updates

05/20/2013

Here's your social security card. It's paper & has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck! -The Government

Misc. Status Updates

05/19/2013

Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.

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05/19/2013

The best things in life aren't things.

Misc. Status Updates

05/14/2013

I wish some people could actually see their personality when they look in a mirror.

Misc. Status Updates

05/13/2013

I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Misc. Status Updates

05/09/2013

I think, therefore we have nothing in common.

Misc. Status Updates

05/09/2013

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