Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Misc. Status Updates

02/07/2012

Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.

Misc. Status Updates

02/07/2012

You're good at giving advice, but not following your own.

Misc. Status Updates

02/07/2012

Planning on putting faux engagement rings in couples drinks on Valentines Day and watching the magic unfold.

Misc. Status Updates

01/24/2012

When you're home alone and you hear a strange noise & you're just like; ಠ_ಠ "WTF! WHO'S THERE?!"

Misc. Status Updates

01/20/2012

Thank you for reading this, I have officially wasted your time.

Misc. Status Updates

01/18/2012

When I say "the other day", it can mean any time up to a year ago.

Misc. Status Updates

01/07/2012

You're only your worst critic until you become my friend.

Misc. Status Updates

01/07/2012

LIKE if you remember going to someones MySpace page and a horrible song would start playing.

Misc. Status Updates

01/04/2012

LIKE If you post status or picture, then realize you forgot something, go to delete it and someone had liked it already putting you in an awkward position.

Misc. Status Updates

01/01/2012

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Misc. Status Updates

12/30/2011

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

Misc. Status Updates

12/23/2011

Microwave: (noun) A hand gesture used by a midget to say hello.

Misc. Status Updates

12/08/2011

Telling someone that you're going to bed, When you're actually not, and then having to hold back from posting things on Facebook/Twitter.

Misc. Status Updates

11/25/2011

Having a small, quiet family dinner for Thanksgiving. Small, quiet families are easier to eat than large loud ones.

Misc. Status Updates

11/23/2011

LIKE IF you... walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.

Misc. Status Updates

11/09/2011

Trying to sleep again thinking the dream will still continue.

Misc. Status Updates

11/05/2011

Dear clever comeback, can you come BEFORE the argument is over. Thanks!

Misc. Status Updates

10/17/2011

When I tell you "It's a long story" It usually means I just don't want to tell you.

Misc. Status Updates

09/27/2011

Mirrors don't lie. Lucky for you, they can't laugh either.

Misc. Status Updates

09/25/2011

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