Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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It's funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.

Misc. Status Updates

05/22/2013

That scary moment when you feel like someone was right behind you cause air was blowing fast.

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05/20/2013

Here's your social security card. It's paper & has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck! -The Government

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05/19/2013

Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.

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05/19/2013

The best things in life aren't things.

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05/14/2013

I wish some people could actually see their personality when they look in a mirror.

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05/13/2013

I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

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05/09/2013

I think, therefore we have nothing in common.

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05/09/2013

My ceiling fan has 3 speeds: 1) Barely moving. 2) Kinda feels like it's working. 3) Is going to fly off the ceiling and kill someone.

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05/09/2013

I'm a leader. Not a follower. Unless it's a dark place, then screw it you're going first.

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04/28/2013

I'm responsible for what I say...not for what you understand.

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04/22/2013

A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.

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04/21/2013

I hate when you're so excited for something but then it ends up not happening.

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04/18/2013

If confusion is the beginning of wisdom, I am totally on the right track.

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04/11/2013

Today is April Fools Day. Believe nothing, and trust no one. “So it’s like any other day. Right?

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03/31/2013

Unspoken Rule #54. Let everyone get off the elevator before you start trying to get on. I am tired of almost running into you. Same goes for busses!

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03/27/2013

I walked briskly with scissors today. I'm pretty wild.

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03/26/2013

It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

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03/17/2013

Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.

Misc. Status Updates

03/13/2013

If good things come to those who wait, then I must have something ridiculously amazing coming!

Misc. Status Updates

03/12/2013

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