Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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When I have kids I’m gonna tell them drugs are good for them. It’s the only way I can be sure they won’t try them.

Kid Status Updates

05/27/2011

8 year olds today have Facebook, Twitter, phones, iPods. When I was their age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.

Kid Status Updates

05/27/2011

If you want your children to listen to you, try talking softly to someone else.

Kid Status Updates

05/27/2011

Parent, Because I said so. Child, Whatever. Grandma, Bingo!

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

How many times can you play Im a Barbie Girl on the jukebox before the whole bar gets pissed? (So far, it isnt 3 times.)

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

9 out of 10 kids named Jeeves probably grow up to be butlers.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

knows kids in front of cars cause accidents and accidents in the back of cars cause kids

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

My 7 year old nephew just asked my age and when I replied 20 he said oh, well maybe when youre 21 youll get boobies...

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

yall need to hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husband cuz Im rapin errbody out here.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up . . . cause, you know . . . Im still looking for ideas

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

Kids shouldnt be sad. Ever. Thats what your adult life is for.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

When I was a kid I had to blow into my video games to get them to work.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

I want kids. I have chores to assign.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldnt work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faqs. We just figured it out. Todays kids are soft.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

I totally take back all those times I didnt want to nap when I was younger.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

Your kid may be an honors student, but youre still an idiot.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong.

Kid Status Updates

05/26/2011

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