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My son can now reach the light switches so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure.

Kid Status Updates

05/12/2013

Next time you go on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and tell the person in front of you "Dude, these came out of your...

Kid Status Updates

05/08/2013

When my kids grow up, I'm going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I'm bored & then just leave!

Kid Status Updates

03/17/2013

Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let's try to leave better kids for our planet.

Kid Status Updates

03/04/2013

How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn't be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!

Kid Status Updates

02/14/2013

My childhood friends were selected based on what kind of snacks they had at their house.

Kid Status Updates

01/05/2013

When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage lightbulbs.

Kid Status Updates

12/18/2012

Before having any kids make sure you're done sleeping and doing things you like to do.

Kid Status Updates

12/06/2012

I remember when staying up until midnight was hard to do, now its a bad habit.

Kid Status Updates

11/08/2012

I'd rather change a tire than a diaper.

Kid Status Updates

10/25/2012

You know what is sweeter than the laughter from a child? The sound of silence from not having any kids.

Kid Status Updates

10/04/2012

Babies need an "Airplane Mode".

Kid Status Updates

09/12/2012

The length of an essay should be like a woman's mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep it interesting.

Kid Status Updates

09/04/2012

You hate drama? Cool, stop starting it.

Kid Status Updates

08/29/2012

♥ ~"True friends aren't perfect. They make mistakes. They may hurt you. They may make you mad or annoyed. But when you need them, they're there in a heartbeat."~ ♥

Kid Status Updates

08/27/2012

No matter how old I am, I’ll still mentally sing the ABC’s to see which letter comes next.

Kid Status Updates

08/08/2012

LIKE if you built forts out of blankets & pillows as a kid!

Kid Status Updates

08/06/2012

Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at. Just be patient.

Kid Status Updates

07/23/2012

I still run up the stairs like a gorilla because its easier that way.

Kid Status Updates

07/11/2012

I don't care how old you are, if you don't respect me I'm not respecting you.

Kid Status Updates

07/10/2012

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