Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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Im pretty sure the smell from cooking cinnamon rolls is causing my nose to orgasm.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

if you put earphones up your nose, the sound comes out your mouth

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over. Yep, she needs a walker

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

Sorry, youre just not my blood type.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

I want to come back as the .1% of germs and bacteria that nothing can kill...

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

Sending Lindsay Lohan to the Betty Ford clinic to sober up is like sending Kirstie Alley to the Betty Crocker factory to lose weight.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

omg i just found out im allergic to exercise...at first i get all flushed, then i break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then i cant breath........i wont be doing that again!

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

I would be much thinner if I hadnt gained all this weight.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

People should have to undergo a psychiatric evaluation once a year if they own a gun.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

Never mistake asthma for Passion

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

I need to slip into something more comfortable...Like a coma

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

Its better to be pissed off than pissed on. Well that is unless youre into that kind of thing.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

My brain is giving me the silent treatment

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

Cigarettes are like hamsters. Theyre completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that theyre being annoying little bastards.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

I wonder if butterflies get humans in their stomach when theyre anxious?

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

Its not the destination, its the journey. Except when youre heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

I bet Waldos parents are worried sick.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

The heart is the center of the body but beats on the left. Maybe thats the reason the heart is not always right.

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

Ya know when ya go on vacation and you just cant wait to get home to take a nice, healthy dump?

Health Status Updates

05/26/2011

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