Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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I'd rather be dangerously playing with wolves than stupidly sleeping with sheep.

Animal Status Updates

01/29/2013

Ostriches can't fly, but mostly because they can't figure out airline luggage guidelines.

Animal Status Updates

01/27/2013

Nothing says "I don't take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you are scolding them for being naughty.

Animal Status Updates

01/26/2013

If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.

Animal Status Updates

01/21/2013

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

Animal Status Updates

01/20/2013

I feel guilty when my dog can smell another dog on me? I feel like I've been cheating...

Animal Status Updates

01/16/2013

Run towards whatever scares you. Unless it's a bear. Don't run towards a bear.

Animal Status Updates

01/06/2013

I tried killing a spider with hairspray. He's still alive, but his hair looks outstanding.

Animal Status Updates

12/31/2012

You think your life is hard? Just think, there's a turtle out there that has been flipped on it's back and it can't get up. Screw your problems.

Animal Status Updates

12/10/2012

Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?

Animal Status Updates

11/18/2012

I'm forever disappointed that a group of squids isn't called a squad.

Animal Status Updates

11/15/2012

Unicorns can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore, I am a unicorn.

Animal Status Updates

11/12/2012

Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.

Animal Status Updates

11/08/2012

Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute.

Animal Status Updates

11/08/2012

Imagine being 100% naked and hearing a bunch of loud noises you don’t understand, that’s what it’s like to be an animal.

Animal Status Updates

11/06/2012

Dogs are tough. I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.

Animal Status Updates

10/17/2012

What does a religious mouse pray to? Cheeses.

Animal Status Updates

09/08/2012

Soft kitty,warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr.

Animal Status Updates

09/04/2012

If it were the other way around, I doubt that one cat would take in 80 little old ladies.

Animal Status Updates

09/04/2012

If spiders ever realize that people are terrified of them, we're screwed.

Animal Status Updates

08/29/2012

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