Funny Status Updates for Facebook. Hilarious Comedic Witty Status Updates about Life, Love, and everything in-between.

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Let me get this straight...a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out...and still be afraid of a spider?

Silly Status Updates

06/18/2013

That awesome moment when you carry an entire load of laundry to the bedroom without dropping a single sock.

Family Status Updates

06/18/2013

Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak. Since birth, it has been a sign that you're alive.

Health Status Updates

06/18/2013

Dear tongue, Can't touch this. Sincerely, elbow.

Facebook Status Updates

06/18/2013

When I think of clean, I rarely think of whistles.

Family Status Updates

06/18/2013

More and more children are reaching the age of three before they learn how to talk. Even weirder, their first words are usually "dude, just text me."

Kid Status Updates

06/18/2013

Best Radio Commercial

06/18/2013

I looked at the keyboard earlier and I noticed 'U' & 'I' are together, it's meant to be! Then I looked underneath it & it said JK.

Computer Status Updates

06/17/2013

You know you've hit a new level of procrastination when you're too lazy to go eat.

Food Status Updates

06/17/2013

Getting addicted to a show, then watching all the episodes and feeling so empty when you finish them, because it’s over.

Movies / Televison Status Updates

06/17/2013

Honestly, I'ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.

Silly Status Updates

06/17/2013

When I'm alone in my house, every sound is a ghost.

Silly Status Updates

06/17/2013

Insomnia - the art of falling asleep just as your alarm goes off to start the day.

Misc. Status Updates

06/17/2013

If in doubt say 'yes' rather than 'no', say 'I will' rather than 'I might', and say 'today' rather than 'tomorrow'.

Work Status Updates

06/17/2013

I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.

Work Status Updates

06/17/2013

Remember that no matter how much somebody loves you, there is a dog somewhere that loves you more.

Animal Status Updates

06/17/2013

"When do we eat stuff?" -My brain, all day.

Food Status Updates

06/17/2013

Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don't get me started on the dinosaurs.

Misc. Status Updates

06/17/2013

Girls are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.

Women Status Updates

06/15/2013

Fish don't seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid-air I would probably eat it.

Food Status Updates

06/15/2013

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