Facebook Status Updates

Singing Cat, Blinky Thing, & 20 Clever Status Updates

Editorial Team

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20 Clever Status Updates:

I don’t always talk on the phone. But when I do, I walk around like an idiot and touch everything in sight.
My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.
Couples who communicate over social media make me happy to be single.
Women overthink to make up for the fact that men don’t think at all.
That awkward moment when someone is complaining about having to go to a “bad” neighborhood and you realize they mean where you live.
You’re single? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH me too.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they’re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
Tell me more about this victum role you play due to the circumstances that you’ve created for yourself.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
I’m not opposed to manscaping, but I don’t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Don’t fear the unknown. It may be where your happiness is hiding.
Kept making the same mistakes in life so I call them traditions now.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
Types Of Nuts:
-boiled
-salted
-roasted
-assorted
-deez
Dear life, when I asked if this day could get any worse, that was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Admit it, you’re afraid to text him/her first sometimes because you feel like you’re annoying them.
My legs look great. Until I sit down and they flatten out to the size of California.
Shouldn’t atheists type “ong?”
If you liked “These Boots Are Made for Walkin” youll enjoy other hits like “This Toaster Toasts Things” and “Whats the Phone Number for 911”