Online Shopping, Paddle Boarder Meets Whale, & 20 Amusing Facebook Statuses

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20 Amusing Facebook Statuses:

That awkward moment when someone gives you a compliment and you can’t think of one in return.
Who wants to give up on Society and go live in a treehouse with me?
How I clean my room:
-starts at one corner
-finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours
-goes to bed
When you’re wearing a watch on an airplane, time flies.
Me: Oh wow, how much is the rent for this amazing apartment?
“Sir, this is the beer aisle of the grocery store.”
I’ve never been held hostage, but I HAVE been in a group text, so….pretty much same thing.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don’t have a moon where I live.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
They say you’ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there’s some middle step I’ve been missing?
Hard butter is the devil.
A secret handshake will get you into the “Beyond” section of Bed Bath & Beyond. Includes video games, beer & lightsabers. Ask for Steve.
Things are getting pretty serious between us. We haven’t laughed in months.
Maybe the chicken saw someone from high school. Just sayin’
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist
If you don’t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn’t get your money’s worth.
It’s 2015, why don’t we have hover-boards yet?” he typed into a pocket-sized device that can do everything.
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside.