Make Monday fun again, share one of these…
20 Clever Facebook Status Posts:
- Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
- Coworker: What did you do this weekend?
Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up. - Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
- I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
- Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
- I can make your gf scream louder than you can. – Spider
- You can kill your attraction to anyone by watching them chew.
- Hell is a never-ending Instagram account of a girl who just got a new boyfriend.
- No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
- My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
- Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
- Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
- I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.
- “I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!”
– How I got out of jury duty - Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
- If there is one person that’s gonna put an N’Sync song on at your house party, It’s Gonna Be Me.
- Damn girl are you a Prius because you’re giving me no sounds or indications that you’re turned on right now.
- The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
- I’m from the Friend Zone originally, but now I live in the Bae Area.
- My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you.
Every work meeting ever.
Posted by Witty Hilarious and Ridiculously Funny Status Updates on Monday, April 20, 2015
Random Moment of Kindness..
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVzAC7mLxJw[/youtube]
I love when stuff like this happens. Really restores your faith in humanity 🙂
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