Lizard Belly Rub, Sleeping Shoebox, and Best Status Updates

Take your pick, and score more likes…

The Weeks Best Facebook Status Updates:

1. Sleep feels the way Pizza tastes.
2. If all grownups had to take naps, the world would be a much nicer place.
3. Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
4. It’s been one of those days where my middle finger was the answer to every question.
5. I tried to be normal once…worst 2 minutes of my life.
6. Oh, you don’t like dogs? You must have no soul.
7. I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
8. Bed: A magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.
9. An extra month of summer would be great.
10. Bitch, I grew up on the streets (Sesame)
11. My week is basically:
    – Monday
    – Monday #2
    – Monday #3
    – Monday #4
    – Friday
    – Saturday
    – Pre-Monday
12. When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
13. No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
14. Whenever I lock my car up I always press the remote lock button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
15. Like in the movie SWAT, I would like to extend the same deal, “I will give one-hundred million dollars to whoever gets me outta here!!”. I’m at work, ok…it’s not 100 million dollars it’s more like a $10 coupon to pizza hut…well its more of a buy one for $5 and get one of lesser or equal value free kinda deal. I’ll be waiting!!
16. Science, where are we at with magic carpets?
17. That awkward moment when everyone you’re with is talking about losing weight, while you’re sitting there eating loads of food.
18. I never feel older than in the 12 seconds I spend on web pages scrolling down to my birth year.
19. I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
20. That awkward moment when you realize you didn’t zip your pants.

Yesterdays Status Updates…