German Shepard Dreaming, Home Alone, and Cool Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Make Monday fun, share one of these…

Cool Facebook Status Updates:

Running seems like a great idea until you actually start running.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
When you need to cough in an exam but you’ve already coughed like twice so you just sit there suffocating.
I’m one of those people who has friends but is nobody’s favorite. If I don’t initiate a convo or ask to hang out, I’ll never see my friends.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentickles.
Jail isn’t supposed to be fun why do they get bunk beds?
Grammar: the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.
Has Missouri ever done a tourism ad with the slogan ‘Missouri Loves Company?’ If not, what is even the point of Missouri?
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Unless you were severely beaten with a canned good, I don’t want to hear about how you’re in a food coma.
I’m not saying golf isn’t a sport, but you have to do paperwork while you play it.
A convenient thing about friending people from your high school on Facebook is that you’ll never need to buy a book of inspirational quotes.
Global warming sucks but I’m kind of looking forward to riding a jet ski to work every day.
I bet your ass gets jealous of all of the shit that comes out of your mouth.
To get someone’s adrenaline rushing, hands trembling & the urge to punch you in the face during a heated argument, say, “You need to relax.”
I’d be 100 % more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
You should be able to see who you would be sitting next to while you’re booking your flight. I would allow them to see stats on me if I got a discount.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them..