Dog Lays on Horn, Cookie Dough, & Best 20 Weekend Status Updates

Make your weekend last longer, share one of these…

Best 20 Weekend Status Updates:

1. I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
2. Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
3. “what’s your major in college?”
   “stress”
4. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because, I myself am still a little sore from the impact.
5. My heart says chocolate and wine, but my jeans are all like, “SALAD.”
6. I love you enough to actually talk to you on the phone.
7. All the hot people are engaged. Except for me, of course.
8. I just wanna stay home and cuddle my dog. Is that a crime?
9. *drinks 1 bottle of water*
   man I am so good at taking care of myself, I mean wow
10. Thanks for pretending not to see me while I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation.
11. I love when people give me bites of their food, but I hate giving bites of mine.
12. Keeping your job is the new raise.
13. If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.
14. If you don’t have anything nice to say, say it louder.
15. The fact that spiders can’t fly is one of God’s many gifts.
16. I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
17. I’m not fat.
    I’m just so sexy, it overflows.
18. You never know how strong you are…. until you’re home alone and have to open your own jar of pickles.
19. I never do sit ups at home because I absolutely hate domestic ab use.
20. Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog Lays On Horn When Human Takes Too Long:

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4Zu-a1dWhk[/youtube]

LOL, really people?!? If my dog did this I would never leave him again because of how awesome he is. Like/Share if you enjoyed.