Facebook Status Updates

Doing Dishes, Happy Song, and Clever Status Posts

Editorial Team

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20 Clever Status Posts:

What a weekend…trying to get the courage to look at my credit card statement from last night :/
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
People who don’t like bacon cannot be trusted.
I do marathons (on Netflix).
You’ll never know the value of a moment until becomes a memory.
There are plenty of fish in the sea…I just suck at fishing.
What do people in China call their good dishes?
You know what I hate? Those DAMNED ‘push to wash’ sinks in public restrooms!!!!! UGHhhhHh what is the purpose?!?! They only stay on for bout 2.5 seconds IF THAT, then you gotta hold it and wash one hand, and switch, and BAMMM you got more germs then you started with!
Was I the only one who cheated on heads up 7 up in elementary school??
I checked my FB today. Don’t worry, everyone is still just gettin pregnant and posting food pics. Business as usual.
Leaving me a voicemail is like sending a letter to the house I lived in 4 years ago. I’m just never gonna get that.
“I’m going to perform extensive research on this particular topic before I give an educated opinion.” -no one ever.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
“Wow, this relationship is really rocky. I bet a wedding and baby will solve everything!” -Idiots.
Sometimes you just have to logout…..
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
When in doubt mumble.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments to make them look crazy.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts making explosive noises.. So I check & it’s cold, like why you gotta play me like that?!