Facebook Status Updates

Enhance, Man vs. Moose, & 20 Clever Statuses

Editorial Team

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Make someones Monday, share one of these..

20 Clever Status Updates:

I am rapidly running out of tomorrows on which to begin studying.
You know that kid who’s at the arcade, watching the demo but pressing buttons like he is playing? That’s how I’m handling adulthood so far.
I can’t hang out tomorrow I’m too busy doing nothing alone sorry.
Things I am always down for no questions asked:
Road trips
Breakfast for dinner
Hot coffee and good conversation
Music
Shopping
Naps
Food
Oh you put $4000 rims on your 1999 Honda Civic? That’s like your grandma getting a boob job.
If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t touched it yet.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
I need to find my aim in life before I run out of ammunition.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
The first assembly instruction for all IKEA furniture should be open 1 beer.
My body has its own version of Newton’s law – when I’m awake I want to stay awake and when I’m sleeping I want to keep sleeping.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have been blessed with.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
It’s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he’s getting hit by a train.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Ride me like you stole me.
We’re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings.
Let’s make a rule now, men shouldn’t wear skinny jeans and women with flat asses shouldn’t wear leggings.
The challenge of modern relationships: how to prove more interesting than the other’s smartphone.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I wanna punch them in the face and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.