Dog Saves Human, Pancakes, & Clever Status Updates

Editorial Team

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20 Clever Facebook Status:

Stay warm. By staying in bed.
THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD IS SEEING PEOPLE SMILING BECAUSE OF YOU.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
Me: I am so over selfies.
Him: Well, stop taking them.
Me: I didn’t mean mine; I meant everyone else’s.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? A investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
Maybe Jabba was extremely thin for a Hutt, you don’t know.
Life is like a box of chocolates-I won’t have one on Valentine’s Day.
Chip clips are for quitters.
The cops knocked on my door and asked me where I was between 5 and 6….I told them kindergarten.
For my dog’s birthday I rented a school bus and drove him around with all the windows down.
Personal trainer: So what’s your goal? Me: I wanna look good in pictures that I’m not the one taking.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
That awkward moment when a nap becomes sleep and you wake up confused about what year you’re in.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very Chuck E Cheese.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.