Aziz Ansari, Technology, and 21 Spectacular Status Updates

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21 Spectacular Status Updates:

There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
If you pay entry fee to a marathon, they literally give you a run for your money.
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Smiles can hide so much; fear, pain ,sadness, tears. But than again they reflect one thing; strength.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Universal Fact: Your Girlfriend Misses You The Most When You’re Partying With Your Friends.
New STD called, “feelings”.. Don’t catch that sh*t.
Don’t dress like a hoe and expect a guy to approach you like a princess.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Yo fellas how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell “He’s got a gun!” and then you’ll look like a cool hero.
Math Problem: A smalltown girl boards a train leaving South Detroit at midnight. If she doesn’t stop believing, how long is her Journey?
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don’t eat anything else today….. and tomorrow.
I’m on a quest around the world to find Bigfoot. I’d originally set out to find cheap gas, but I decided to keep my goals realistic.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
People who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they cant even finish the joke because they’re laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people.
Found a cigarette butt next to the mousetrap in my room. Like he sat there and thought about it.
Fun game to play at the movies: not bringing your f*cking baby.
I am sooo glad I was young, wild & crazy before there were cell phones & evidence.