Facebook Status Updates

Angry Puppy, Siblings, and 20 Great Weekend Status Updates

Editorial Team

889

Make your weekend last longer, share one of these..

20 Best Weekend Status Updates:

I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Look to tomorrow. Rest this afternoon.
Isn’t it weird that after 30,000 years of eating bread, everyone is gluten allergic now?
Relationships are like health insurance: all your preexisting conditions start coming out AFTER you’ve been approved.
How many bad decisions are you gonna make until I become one?
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Making fun of dinosaurs to a paleontologist is a great way to get jurasskicked.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
How to enjoy fine wine:
1. Open the bottle and let it breathe.
2. If it doesn’t seem to be breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
To find your prince you need to kiss a few frogs not sleep with the whole pond.
Can’t stop drinking about you.
Never, ever ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
You haven’t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Shit’s spiraling out of control and I’m all like “wheeeee.”
I know I’ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
Has Missouri ever done a tourism ad with the slogan ‘Missouri Loves Company?’ If not, what is even the point of Missouri?