Amazed Cat, Crying Sloth, & Popular Status Updates

March 29, 2013 Leave a Comment

From this week on FB…

20 Popular Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Our kids will never know the terror of calling a crush and having a parent answer the phone.
  2. My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
  3. The awkward moment when you’re actually telling the truth but you either laugh or smile and everybody thinks you’re lying.
  4. I love being in that mood where everything is hilarious.
  5. There’s no enlightenment to be found in jogging. Have you ever seen a picture of Buddha jogging?
  6. I love those people you can joke around with and have so much fun with and then have a deep conversation with and it’s not weird at all.
  7. Sometimes, I’ll start a text with “lol” if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, “lol it’d be cool if you moved out kyle.”
  8. Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. Damn. Time.
  9. Some women need to learn that being attractive is not an excuse for being a bitch.
  10. LIKE if your parents ask you to do something and you tell them you’ll do it in ten minutes then you never do it.
  11. Don’t die a virgin…terrorists are up there waiting for you.
  12. This is actually a law in Alaska……..”It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.” What?
  13. The worst thing you can do for somebody is something they should be doing for themselves.
  14. Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
  15. “Just kidding” is just an excuse to not get in trouble for something that you really wanted to say all along.
  16. Count your age by friends, not years; count your life by smiles, not tears.
  17. A few simple tips: Don’t promise when you’re happy, Don’t reply when you’re angry, and Don’t decide when you’re sad.
  18. Sometimes it takes a wrong turn to put us in the right place.
  19. If it was easy, everybody would be doing it.
  20. You know people be creepin’ when they like a Status update from a week ago.

Yesterdays Dirty Dirty Status Updates… | Sickkkkk Timeline Covers For Facebook 

“That’s AMAAZING” -Cat

Amazed Cat

Ladies & Gentlemen, Amazed CAT is very very very Amazed. Perhaps you will amaze your Facebook friends by reposting him.

FACT: Sloths are Adorable… Even when they cry.

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Dat Whine!

Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Have a great weekend, stop back on Sunday for special Easter Status Updates for Facebook!

Filed Under: Facebook Status Updates Tagged With: , ,

Technology Nope, Slammer, and Damn Funny Status Posts

March 28, 2013 Leave a Comment

Updated Daily, just for you…

20 Damn Funny Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
  2. Don’t trade what you want most for what you want now.
  3. I’m beginning to realize that some people must actually enjoy being miserable.
  4. I hate it when my boss calls my name and I automatically think “What the hell did I do now?”
  5. Unspoken Rule #54. Let everyone get off the elevator before you start trying to get on. I am tired of almost running into you. Same goes for busses!
  6. Let your smile change the world, but don’t let the world change your smile.
  7. Lesson #1. Only trust people who like big butts… They cannot lie. #TRUTH
  8. I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
  9. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
  10. My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
  11. Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.
  12. My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
  13. I am waiting for the day that Walmart decides to put a bar in their stores. That’ll take people watching to the next level.
  14. We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
  15. Hey, remember that person you thought you couldn’t live without? Well, look at you, living and shit.
  16. I may be asking too much of this coffee.
  17. Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
  18. Don’t confuse having less with being less, having more with being more, or what you have with who you are.
  19. The person trying hardest to get into my pants is me. Damn Easter candy.
  20. Nothing can destroy your self-esteem quicker than when someone points out someone they think looks like you.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

KittEhhhh is Stuck in the Slammer:

KittEhhh is stuck in the slammer.

Doing hard time is rough these days.

Duck Dynasty says NOPE to Technology:

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We can all scale back just a tad on our technology use :) And I think we’ll be just fine! This video, however, is a classic.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Filed Under: Facebook Status Updates Tagged With: , , ,

Looking Good, Unlikely Dance Off, & Best Status Posts

March 27, 2013 Leave a Comment

The Top this week on Facebook…

Best Facebook Status Posts:

  1. If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
  2. One of the best feelings in the world is when you are hugging a person you love and they hug you back even tighter.
  3. The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
  4. If you like water, you already like 70% of me!
  5. Ford F-150 commercials make it seem as if hauling loads of crumbled boulders over mountainous terrain is a commonly-practiced thing.
  6. A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talk TO EACH OTHER instead of about each other.
  7. I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
  8. Some girls need to realize that having fat on their bodies doesn’t make them fat…it makes them alive.
  9. I may look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face 3 times!
  10. Life appears to be designed specifically to kick my ass. I’m still standing. So, I say bring it.
  11. Men say that women should come with instructions… What’s the point? Have you ever seen a man actually read them???
  12. Liars always think that no one is telling the truth.
  13. I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
  14. I would not advise turning your frown upside down. The surgery is extremely painful and not covered by most insurance.
  15. Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
  16. Don’t wait for the perfect moment…Take the moment and make it perfect…
  17. I went to a club and they played “The Twist”, I did the twist. They played “Jump”, I jumped. They played “Come on Eileen”…I got kicked out for that one.
  18. If girls think giving birth is hard try playing call of duty on a laggy server.
  19. I’m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people! Respect it!
  20. The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

You’re Looking Good:

Extremely photogenic Corgi says ‘ello mid-air! Post to your newsfeed for LIKEs galore :)

Unlikely Dance Off:

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That white guy can DANCE! Share. Now.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Filed Under: Facebook Status Updates Tagged With: , ,

Howling Fest, Hungry Kitty, & Hilarious Status Updates

March 26, 2013 Leave a Comment

Score more likes, share these…

20 Hilarious Facebook Status Update Posts:

  1. Love is standing on wet cement. the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave and you can never let go without leaving your footprints.
  2. Either you love Space Jam or you’re wrong.
  3. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you’re going to get.
  4. That awkward moment when you’re trying not to look when someone is staring at you.
  5. Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
  6. Don’t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
  7. Most days I feel like three kids stacked up on each other’s shoulders, covered by a huge coat, trying to pass as one of all these grown-ups.
  8. I just found a great new way to check email, Facebook, Twitter, chat with friends and buy stuff on eBay, all from one spot. I got a job.
  9. I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say “He’s in a better place now.”
  10. Pretty cool how the guy that created dessert was just like, “I did a great job eating all that food and I deserve a reward.”
  11. Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
  12. You’d think Winnie the Pooh would’ve gotten that shirt in at least a medium.
  13. I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
  14. Weird how people are so quick to say they’d die for you but so slow to make breakfast.
  15. Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.
  16. Whenever I say “I don’t mean that in a bad way”, I usually do.
  17. If any of you heard a loud, painful scream followed by hysterical weeping, don’t worry about it…That was just me at the gas pump filling up my car.
  18. Unsure if I’m a good cook, or I’ll just eat anything.
  19. Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
  20. At work, when you don’t know what to do, just walk fast and look worried.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

KittEhhh is Hungry….

Hungry Kitty

Who would say no to that adorable face with an adorable head tilt! We <3 Head Tilts! Facebook this, right friggin’ now!

These Wolves Sure Like to HOWL:

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It was a wolf symphony and that guy with the video camera captured this magnificent moment. Now, be a good chap and pass it along to your friends before it goes full blown viral video.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Filed Under: Facebook Status Updates Tagged With: , ,

Cat Walks Dog, Cute Lion, and Top Funny Facebook Statuses

March 25, 2013 Leave a Comment

Share these, get more likes…

Top Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. Law & Order is Scooby Doo for adults.
  2. My life feels like a test I didn’t study for and everybody is being a dick and not letting me cheat.
  3. If my job was to browse the Internet and play on my phone, I don’t know what I’d do to slack off, but I’m sure I’d find something.
  4. I hope I never go to jail because I haven’t memorized a phone number since 2001.
  5. Are the Pringles and Monopoly guy related?
  6. Anger hurts you, not the person you’re angry at. Don’t waste life getting mad all the time.
  7. My bracket has more x’s than Taylor Swift.
  8. They really should consider making “Oh crap! I missed my exit!” exits.
  9. Sure, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. But there’s also sharks, seaweed & toxic waste.
  10. When icons bounce up & down on my Mac toolbar demanding attention, I want to whack them. Just like in that the mole game.
  11. There’s always that one jerk in the gym who thinks he’s competing in the friggin’ Olympics.
  12. Whenever I accidentally push a “pull” door, I keep pushing until the hinges snap and act like that was my plan the whole time.
  13. The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to “watch a movie” is actually watching a movie.
  14. Two tips for faster jogging (1) hot guy in front of you; (2) creepy dude behind you.
  15. Feminists, do you hold doors? Do you carry your man’s stuff when shopping? Do you apologize for no reason? Don’t talk about equal rights.
  16. Never assume that somebody loves you just because they are sweet sometimes. Make sure you’re not their “when I’m bored” person.
  17. I was just about to get offended by a stranger on the Internet but then I remembered I’m not an idiot.
  18. Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That’s not lazy, that’s proactive.
  19. Narcissist? Let’s just calm down with the big words and keep this conversation about me.
  20. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

Super Cute (and massive) Lion:

Cute Lion

That’s less of the “King of the Jungle” and more of the “Wizard of Oz” Lion.

Cat Walking Dog Home:

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Guess we know who’s the boss of that family ;) Share this video with your Facebook friends for instant likes, karma, and comment love.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Filed Under: Facebook Status Updates Tagged With: , ,
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