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20 Creative Status Updates:
- Who remembers going on the computer as kids, just to go on paint and space pinball?
- If you’re told you only have six months to live, immediately get married. It will make those six months seem like eternity.
- The past tense of wink is wunked.
- I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
- Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.
- the best part about this status message is that by the time you’ve finished reading it you realize that there is absolutely no point to it.
- That awkward moment when you don’t know how to reply to a really sweet text.
- The best part about daylight savings is that the clock in my car is correct again.
- I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
- I’ve set my “life goals” to stuff I’ve already done so literally every day now I’m overachieving. It’s all about perspective.
- Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
- All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.
- “I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
- My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
- When someone looks over my shoulder while I’m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, “HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME.”
- Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
- Please hold, your call is important to us. Not “hire more operators” important.. But like “if you need to hang up, that’s cool” important.
- I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
- How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
- To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today..
20 People Kiss for the First Time…
That was pretty neat! Strangers sometimes just have a magical connection. Share if you found that fascinating.