Pure Happiness, Being Hangry, and Best Weekend Status Updates.

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20 Best Status Updates from this Weekend:

  1. The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
  2. I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
  3. Mission Impossible? He’s done four of them now. Let’s call it “Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable”
  4. I love how old people see me as a technology prodigy. So much praise just for saving a picture to their computer’s desktop.
  5. Dating an ex is the equivalent of failing a test you already had the answers to.
  6. WHAT IF PEOPLE USED CAPS LOCK FOR EVERYTHING THEN USED LOWERCASE FOR EMPHASIS, THAT WOULD BE really weird.
  7. Car alarms but for when people get too close to you.
  8. I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
  9. Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
  10. “You’re shitting me!” – Everything you eat.
  11. I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
  12. Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion.
  13. Why are there so many commercials for toilet paper? Who is not buying it?
  14. The easiest way to get a woman’s full attention is to ignore her. That shit really motivates us.
  15. Last person to like this wins a prize.
  16. In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
  17. It’s tough being a people person when you can’t stand most people.
  18. Unless you’re music, I don’t want to listen to you.
  19. Sure you can touch my phone. I have nothing to hide … except your dead body if you do.
  20. I’m convinced that the employees of Ikea were just used to be customers who didn’t know how to get out and just gave up.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | *NEW* Splashy Fish 2 on Android (just like Flappy Bird!)

Pure Happiness = Husky + Massage

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Doesn’t get much happier than that! It’s crazy how much that Dog likes it :)

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Captain Planet, Pop Tart Bandit, and Silly Status Posts

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Top 20 Silly Status Posts:

  1. We all have a shirt that we like wearing too much.
  2. Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
  3. Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.
  4. Today’s revelation..if you say “beer can” with a British accent, you’re also saying “bacon” with a Jamaican accent.
  5. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands for example if she is holding a gun she’s probably angry.
  6. If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
  7. Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their’s that they don’t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
  8. 99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
  9. Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
  10. PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
  11. If I had a time machine I’d set it to “back in the day”, just to see what everyone is talking about.
  12. Don’t let school get in the way of your education.
  13. This kid poured milk on the cat. When I asked why she said “He’s thirsty and likes to lick himself.” I couldn’t argue with that.
  14. In my head, I’m the mean judge on a show called So You Think Your Story is Interesting.
  15. The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, “That’s how I want you to do it.”
  16. Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation.
  17. Merlot sounds like an alcoholic wizards name.
  18. I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, “Hey, that’s my shit!”?
  19. Go to the train station and make eye contact with someone as the train pulls away and then chase after it it while yelling “I LOVE YOU!”
  20. The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | *NEW* Splashy Fish 2 on Android (just like Flappy Bird!)

Pop Tart Bandit Stopped Cold:

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Dawwwww poor little girl :) That will teach her to share those delicious morsels.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Girl Gets Slapped By Whale, Yellow Lights, and Really Good Status Updates

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Really Good Status Updates:

  1. That awkward moment when someone says something to you for the fifth time and you still don’t know what they said.
  2. Which Buzzfeed quiz are you? We are all dying to know.
  3. There’s always that one person who always catches you doing weird stuff.
  4. Our generation doesn’t ring the doorbell. They text or call to say they’re outside.
  5. Can I get a scholarship for eating?
  6. Sometimes you miss the memories, not the person.
  7. GOODBYE WORK COMPUTER HELLO HOME COMPUTER.
  8. Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
  9. You say “YOLO”, I say “YADA”. You’re A Dumb Ass.
  10. Just saw a K9 sheriff car with a bumper sticker that said got dope?
  11. Words: For when an emoji just isn’t enough.
  12. Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
  13. People say I’m sarcastic but I’m just investigating the effects of irony on morons.
  14. It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
  15. Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
  16. Facebook spent $19 billion on Whatsapp. NASA’s budget for 2014 is $16 billion. Makes you think.
  17. Worry: a waste of imagination.
  18. 5 Stages of Life: 1. Just a kid. 2. Don’t want to be a kid. 3. Afraid you’re still a kid. 4. Definitely not a kid. 5. Wish you were a kid.
  19. Don’t rollerblade on a treadmill..trust me.
  20. Shoutout to nature for not giving wings to snakes.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | *NEW* Splashy Fish 2 on Android (just like Flappy Bird!)

Girl Gets Slapped By Whale:

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Wow! Could you imagine if that happened to you?!? Good Guy Whale Pats Girl On Head.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Talking Boat, Hair in Drink, & 20 Likeable Statuses

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20 Likeable Status Updates:

  1. When your momma taught you to look both ways she didn’t mean be two faced.
  2. That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
  3. Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
  4. I have spent too much time on choosing an appropriate emoji when texting…
  5. Does anyone else leave Best Buy without buying anything and think the security guy at the front suspects you of stealing…so you go out of your way to act friendly toward him?
  6. My parents don’t realize I’m a pretty good kid compared to a lot of teenagers these days.
  7. That awkward moment when you hear police sirens and get nervous even though you have absolutely no reason to.
  8. My drug of choice is a really comfortable couch.
  9. Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
  10. The worst time to hear I told you so is when you end up saying it to yourself.
  11. If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he’s trying to bust a move.
  12. “A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
  13. Here at Nickelodeon, we’re constantly trying to push the boundaries of what a child’s head should be shaped like.
  14. I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
  15. Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.
  16. Treat your woman like you treat your smartphone: touch her often, stare at her, and make her the most important thing in your life.
  17. Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
  18. I wasn’t gunna buy thrift shop on itunes but shit, it was 99 cents!
  19. If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
  20. Sometimes I wonder how many miles I’ve scrolled my mouse wheel..

Yesterdays Status Updates…

The Talking Boat…

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That was wayyyy funnier than it should be, I rewatched like a dozen times! Share if you enjoyed ;)

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.