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20 Laughable Facebook Status Updates:
- I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
- My pants are 75% off.
- Why can’t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found we share a snack pack and then you’re my girlfriend.
- Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
- You know what’s funny?
Lots of stuff so lighten the heck up!
- If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
- Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
- I really hope that my last words in this world are: “I wonder what this does…”
- My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
- Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
- That moment when you have so many things to do so you decide to take a nap instead.
- Roses are red. I have a phone. Nobody texts me. Forever alone.
- Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
- If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone to pick it up for me.
- I wonder why squirrels are always so paranoid. Come to think of it I’ve never seen a fat squirrel, maybe being paranoid is a good thing?
- I’m in a serious relationship with my wifi. You could say we have a…connection.
- I love it when I catch you looking at me, then you smile and look away.
- I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
- If you love someone set them free. Then send them a text message every hour letting them know you’ve set them free.
- Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Never thought of that, that’s actually pretty awesome :)
That awkward moment when a dog dances better than you. Much. Better.