Ladies and gentlemen time to relax, the weekend is finally upon us.  Whether you work or don’t this weekend just take a few moments to take in the beautiful wonderful world we live in.  Share some laughs with your friends with his hilarious stuff you can post to your FB account.  Do yourself a favor and go and see the Social Network movie this weekend…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• The atheist at his funeral is all dressed up with nowhere to go.
• Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• Trust but verify.
• Anyone can quit smoking, it takes a real man to fight cancer.
• If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.
• (After Facebook was down) Facebook users are roaming the streets in tears, shoving photos of themselves in people’s faces and screaming ‘DO YOU LIKE THIS? DO YOU??’
• I find steelworkers to be riveting.
• My favourite beer? The one that makes her pretty! (From @Karl T on our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• Chuck Norris and Superman once made a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underpants on the outside.
• Potty says 18 to 36 months but it must be broken because my toddler filled it up in like 2 weeks.
• The difference between a champ and a chump is u.
• Anything not nailed down is a cat toy. (By way of @FreeFunnyStuff our red-headed stepchild of a twitter account.)
• Sometimes it’s hard work making myself look this busy.
• Murphy’s Unspeakable Law: As soon as you mention something.. if it’s good, it goes away. If it’s bad, it happens.

Blame someone else and get on with your life. – Alan Woods

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Hahah, oh man that sucks! Enjoy the NFL  this weekend, guys. Have a safe and enjoyable weekend!  See you on Monday, folks For some more awesome content throughout the weekend “like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Thanks for stopping by!

Ladies and Gentlemen… I give you… THURSDAY.  It’s almost like Friday but, it’s not.  I call it Diet Friday.  Make your friends laugh, share some of these goods with them…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
• I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.” (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
• Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
• If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ll find it in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis”
• Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance? ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
• Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.
• I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

• Fish Swimming ¸.·´¯`·.´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸><(((º> (By way of @FreeFunnyStuff our red-headed stepchild of a twitter account.)
• Life’s like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it shits on your head.
• Just be yourself. All the good personalities are taken.

James Bond. Great spy? Or guy who gets captured every mission.

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Why would I eat your homework?

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That video is guaranteed to get you laughing! LOL!!!! Make sure to stop back tomorrow for the world famous weekend wrap-up Cya then! If you need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Wake up and accomplish something!  Half the week is over already friends, and we all know the only way to survive is to laugh your way through it…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her master’s.
• Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• Programmers do it beta.
• BECOME an unpaid, on-call IT Support person by letting your neighbours know you ‘work in computers a bit’.
• Little know, but true, fact: At 120 miles per hour, a Formula One car generates so much downforce that it can drive upside down on the roof of a tunnel.
• Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” – Albert Einstein
• When I was born, my parents hit the jerkpot.
• I really admire people who keep going even though the are in huge amounts of debt. They deserve a lot of credit.
• It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper. (By way of @FreeFunnyStuff our red-headed stepchild of a twitter account.)
• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Note to self: Don’t fall asleep on Tuesday!  There is a simple cure for the Tuesday blues and that is hilarious stuff to post on your Facebook…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• I can’t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• George Clooney looks that way because when he was a kid he kept making handsome faces and it stuck that way. No, don’t stare.
• All you need to know about the Universe is if it looks, feels, or tastes good, it will probably kill you.
• Is the proper name for iPhone users “iPhonies”?
• Running, climbing, jumping, swimming, dating, succeeding. There’s so much to do on TV.
• If a giant talking rabbit were trying to steal my cereal, I’d probably be too busy screaming and stabbing to call him “silly.”
• Trouble always comes at the wrong time.
• Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• I laugh in the face of danger. But it’s a silent laugh. And I pretend I’m looking at someone else.
• Not sure which pants to wear today — smarty or fancy?
• Every 9 minutes, someone is infected with the herpes virus. I bet that someone lives in Jersey.
• 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.  (From @FreeFunnyStuff our beloved red-headed step twitter account.)
• Why is it that women only believe what a man says when it’s a compliment?

Awesome link of the day: Bart Simpson Chalk Board Generator

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I’m not sure what’s going on there but I laughed pretty hard anyhow.  Sometimes you need a little weirdness in your life.  Post that ridiculousness and you’re sure to brew a comment storm.  Hahah!!! Please stop in tomorrow for the always funny – mid-week status updates.  Get more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Hope you had a wonderful rested weekend! Here are the funny goods that will have you and your friends lol’ing through Monday…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• Never run from conflict, challenge or discomfort. Walk away confidently .
• If you can’t say anything nice about a person, you’re probably my mother-in-law.
• Weird, whenever Mike Vick comes on the TV the dogs up here start going nuts. It’s like they know him or something.
• It turns out Lohan didn’t do coke. It was her British twin, angry she hasn’t gotten work since the Parent Trap.
• If at first you don’t succeed, try drinking beer while you do it. You’ll be amazed at how much less you care.
• I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils. ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• Breastfeeding your infant is important. But what about the wings and thighs? Should I just leave the whole KFC bucket in the crib?
• So it’s legal to sleep on a pillow but illegal to hold it over someone’s face until they die? Ugh, government.
• One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.