Welcome to Wednesday, it’s not a friendly day, but if you respect Wednesday, then Wednesday will respect you.  So do what I do and LOL your way through Wednesday…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook & Twitter:

• I remember, fondly, the days when I was a Perfect Parent, with Perfect Children. Back before I actually had any kids.
• O-P-T-I-M-U-S = 7 letters. That’s a prime number. Optimus = Prime. Your mind = Blown.
• Tom Brady says he refuses to watch Hard Knocks. He doesn’t need to watch. The Patriots tape the Jets practices anyway.
• I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25,000/monthly users that average 5+comments per status update!)
• In school, I always gave 110%.. no wonder I flunked math.
• Does this $2500 electrician bill make my ass look broke?
• I wear the pants in this family. It’s so embarrassing when I go to Olive Garden, and the rest of my family is naked from the waist down. (From @FreeFunnyStuff on Twitter)
• After a certain age, they become less like “birthdays” and more like “sell-by dates”.
• Reality is for people who can’t use the internet.
• My boss is more than a mentor to me. He is my tormentor.

Whenever someone tells you to take their advice, you can be pretty sure they’re not using it.

Link of the Day:  Video Review of the Funny Status Updates for Facebook App Review @ Daily App Show.

Funny Picture to Post (From our Facebook Fan Page):

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That is a classic Pee-Wee clip to post on peoples walls for their Birthday or just because :)

Thank you very much for stopping in, hope you laughed your way through Wednesday!  If you need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.  Make sure to stop by tomorrow for more hilarious content.

Aloha amigos :)  Welcome back, here are your silly status updates to get you through Tuesday…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook & Twitter:

• I wonder how stupid people knew they were being stupid before the slap to the back of the head was invented?
• ٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥ﺎ ٱц =)  (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 22,000/monthly users that average 5+comments per status update!)
• So much rosemary. So little thyme.
• Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
• People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
• Taught a man to fish and now all he does is lie.
• I support the right of the Jedi to build a temple, but does it have to be two blocks from the ruins of the Death Star? (From @FreeFunnyStuff on Twitter)
• Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube
• I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
• Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
• I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh? ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.

Look iPhone, if I wanted to be constantly be corrected today, I would have stayed home with my wife.

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Hahah, a little sexist but Funny :)  To make up for it here you go ladies…

The Simple Truth :)

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And that, my friends, is why you don’t pick bricks in washer machines! Please stop in tomorrow for the always funny – mid-week status updates.  Get more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Hope you had a good relaxing weekend!!!  Laugh your way through Monday with these hilarious status updates…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook & Twitter:

• If you can’t say something nice, we’re probably related.
• Can we pretend that school desks in the classroom are like mattresses ? I could really use a nap right now.
• Why don’t refrigerators have a milk dispenser next to the water in the door? You could just hold your cereal bowl under it and push the button. ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• I wear my hair departed on both sides.
• People are extremely open minded when you agree with them.
• If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
• i wish life came with a remote to ◄◄ rewind ► play ▌▌pause ►► fast forward or sometimes just mute..(From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 21,000/monthly users that average 5+comments per status update!)
• Playing Scrabble. I have Irritable Vowel Syndrome.
• MTV has ‘My Super Sweet 16′ & ‘When I Was 17.’ What’s next? ‘Officer, I swear I thought she was 18!’   (From @FreeFunnyStuff on Twitter)
• Man does not live by words alone despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.
• The bank says this is my Final Notice. Isn’t it fantastic that they’re not going to bother me anymore!
• Who is this ‘little bird’? And why does he keep telling everyone my secrets?!?

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Alrighty folks, thank you very much for stopping in!  Check back tomorrow for more hilarious status updates, pictures, and videos to post to your Facebook or Twitter.  Get more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Congratulations, the weekend is here!  Enjoy every moment of it :)  Here is what you came here for…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook & Twitter:

• “Mr. and Mrs. Explorer? It’s social services. We are here to talk to you about Dora.”
• Just polished off a gigantic plate of pasta. Feeling guilty about my carbonara footprint.
• By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 15,000/monthly users that average 5+comments per status update!)
• Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
• I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
• Whoa there, magazine, I already bought you. No need to pop out a million little post card babies asking me to subscribe. ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for more funny content direct to your FB.)
• Leisure is the mother of philosophy.
• Thinking about opening a center for battered fish.
• I’m sweating so many bullets, I just shot myself in the foot.
• I’m not anti social, I’m just really content not knowing you.  (From @FreeFunnyStuff Twitter)
• My doctor told me that I had to give up drinking. It’s been 3 days now and I feel really dehydrated..
• The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

Don’t be mad because we bumped shoulders when passing. You didn’t move either.

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Ahhh so this is how the housing issue happened!

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Have a safe and enjoyable weekend!  See you on Monday, folks For some more awesome content throughout the weekend “like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Thanks for stopping by!

Aloha!  Hope you’re having a great Thursday here is what you came here for….

Funny Status Updates for Facebook & Twitter:

• If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 15,000/monthly users that average 5+comments per status update!)
• I am the world’s greatest authority on my own opinion.
• When a man speaks, people listen, then look. When a woman speaks, people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen.
• My doctor thinks I’m paranoid. He didn’t say it, but I knew that’s what he was thinking.
• The word OK looks like a sideways person. ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for more funny content direct to your FB.)
• Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
• When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, “Give me a table near a waiter.”
• Don’t tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.
• “No iPods in school!” Yeah, because I’m gonna cheat off my test by listening to California Gurls.
• What is the biggest lie ever? “I have read and agree to the terms of use”

Since I’ve been out of school, I’ve been to over 30 weddings. That’s like 15 miles of the electric slide, people.

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Awwww Jeez mom!  Stay off Facebook :)

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Who doesn’t love them some good ole fashion Cat Yodeling.  That’s all for today folks, make sure to stop by tomorrow for the world famous weekend wrap-up! Need some more??  Get more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.