Hello friends!  Great news, we’ve got some hilarious status updates, pictures, and videos for you to post to get you through “Hump” day.

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• Have you ever dropped something, then caught it, then dropped it again and it shatters all over the place?  Ya, that’s my life right now.
• A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• I sent my picture off to the lonely hearts club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.
• If she farts in front of your parents repeatedly just for the reaction then she’s a keeper.
• When I see someone using a payphone I always think they’re arranging the ransom drop off.
• I tried driving today without texting, eating or getting high but it was so boring I fell asleep at the wheel. Thanks, Oprah.
• I’m thankful that baby teeth are the only things that kids lose while growing up. Imagine the trauma of a nose falling off. Or a leg. “Why’s your daughter hopping around like that?” “Oh, she just lost her baby leg last night.” ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
  
• Someday, I hope to befriend a friendly panhandler & learn the secrets of handling pans firsthand.
• If it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down. That leaves a wide range of colors I have no idea what to do with.
• Ever hear of Feng Shui? It’s an ancient Chinese expression which means, “Put your husband’s crap in the garage.” (From our Twitter : @FreeFunnyStuff)
• With a name like “Earl”, I’m more afraid this hurricane will get drunk and beat a pregnant woman, than I am that it will cause flooding.

I hope your week is going swell!  It seems like every Tuesday I need some laughs so here are some funny thing’s to get your Tuesday going great…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• A smile is like tight underwear…it makes your cheeks go up.  ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
• I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
• God must love stupid people. He made SO many. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
• Why do men forget everything and women remember everything?
• I have a love/ate relationship with food.
• Given how many times they’ve been screwed by hurricanes, it’s time to change the name of the Virgin Islands. (From our Twitter : @FreeFunnyStuff)
• Streakers Beware! Your end is in sight.
• I’m drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is…

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Haha, ahhh Scooter :)  Please stop in tomorrow for the always funny – mid-week status updates.  Get more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Hope you had an awesome relaxing weekend, I know I did!  The bad news is, another Monday is upon us.  Laugh your way through it with these funny one liners…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter:

• Nothing goes right with me. I bought a new watch… shockproof and waterproof… It caught on fire.
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
• I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
• Girls are like phones. They love to be held and talked to but if u press the wrong button … U will be disconnected!
• Son, when I was your age, our video game controllers were hard wired to the console. And Mario had to walk uphill both ways to the castle. ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• If anyone can put the “i” in “Team” it’s Apple.
• A woman knows she’s wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off.
• I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.
• Whenever I flush a bug down the toilet, I have to watch and make sure it dosen’t come back, zombie style, with revenge in it’s tiny heart. (From @FreeFunnyStuff)
• Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Stepping in some water barefoot in the kitchen, not so bad. Stepping in some water with socks on, bloody catastrophic.

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Wish you could really use this feature :)

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Hahaha, a classic scene in American cinema. Alrighty folks, thank you very much for stopping in!  Check back tomorrow for more hilarious status updates, pictures, and videos to post to your Facebook or Twitter.  Get more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Thanks for stopping in…. As you know, it’s the freakin’ weekend baby, I’m bout to have me some fun!!!  Here is some hilarious stuff to get you and your friends to enjoy the weekend…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook & Funny Tweets for Twitter:

• Goodness, Not feeling old enough this morning? Macaulay Culkin, who stared in the ‘Home Alone’ movies, turns 30 today.
• Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I was wrong.

I’m never going to grow up. I’m just going to stop hiding what I do
from my parents and start hiding it from my kids. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25,000/monthly users that average 5+comments per status update!)

• I read an article the other day that said, “if you drink every day you are an alcoholic.” Thank god I only drink every night.
• ❒ Team Edward ❒ Team Jacob ✔ Team guy who almost hit Bella with a car
• Forgetting an email attachment is the 21st century’s version of licking an envelope shut and then realizing you forgot to put the letter inside. ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• I used to ingest expensive chemicals to blur the lines of reality. Now, all I have to do is take off my glasses.
• If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end. — Mark Twain
• Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions. (From @FreeFunnyStuff)
• Heart palpitations count as cardio, right?
• The only thing the doctor found encouraging about my test results was they weren’t his.
• Off to run a few fool’s errands. Anyone need anything?

You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.

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Giraffe after eating fast food everyday for a year.

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One of the greatest pranks of all time!  Hahahha, I would freak out if that happened to me!!!

Have a safe and enjoyable weekend!  See you on Monday, folks For some more awesome content throughout the weekend “like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Thanks for stopping by!

Glad to see you back, Friend :)  You’re always welcome here!  Enjoy your Thursday by laughing through it with these witty one liners…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter:

• Why do people never get talker’s block?
• It would be very helpful to me if the rest of you would please stop striving for excellence. Thanks!
• Habits, babies, and promises. Way easier to make than keep. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 21,000/monthly users that average 5+comments per status update!)
• … CAT RULE #2: Get plenty of sleep so you can play at 4am
• I’m never going to grow up. I’m just going to stop hiding what I do from my parents and start hiding it from my kids. ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
• It’s sweet that you want to be an organ donor, but there may be less painful ways than driving in my blind spot.
• Boss spelled backwards is “double S.O.B.”
• Much like Superman, I have a Fortress of Solitude. But mine flushes.
• A day without sunshine is like… night.
• The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. (From @FreeFunnyStuff)

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

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Oh Lindsay when will you learn!  Come back tomorrow for the world famous weekend wrap-up :)  Cya then! If you need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.