Welcome back friends, thank goodness it’s the weekend!  Just in time for the always classic weekend wrap-up….

Funny Status Updates for Facebook / Twitter:

• At CNN: No news is bad news but bad news is good news.
• I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
• You know you’ve reached middle age when your wife tells you to suck in your stomach and you just did.
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. (Part of the Top 100 Funny Status Updates on our iPhone App)
• Don’t teach your children the value of a dollar if they find out , they’ll ask for two.
• Drag racing would be a lot more fun if I didn’t have to wear a dress.
• Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on facebook people that I do know, but i deliberately choose not to be friends with? (From our updated daily FB Fan Page)
• These applications always ask if I’ve had any “past experience.” is there any other kind?

Sup people?  Here is what you came for…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. (From our updated daily FB Fan Page)
• The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
• Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. (Part of the Top 100 Funny Status Updates on our iPhone App)
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
• If I ever have an out-of-body experience, I’m going to try to come back to a different one.

• A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

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I feel like sending that to at least one person a day! Hahah!  Thanks for stopping in and see you tomorrow for the uber popular weekend wrap-up.    Join our FB Fan Page & Download our 4-star Rated iPhone App. Thanks for stopping by, see ya tomorrow folks!

Aloha!  Here is what you came here for…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook

• When I handwrite an entire page it looks like I’ve had a stroke by paragraph two.
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. (Part of the Top 100 Funny Status Updates on our iPhone App)
• Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
• Depression runs in my family. We have blue genes.
• You can’t be late until you show up.
• All I want is to find a nice person to hang out with until I drop dead. Not a lot to ask. (From our updated frequently FB Fan Page)
• If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
• Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option

The best UFO spotters know the secret. First, you’ve got to believe. And second, you have to be drunk.

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You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

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Don’t mess with the goat, man!  Join our FB Fan Page & Download our 4-star Rated iPhone App. Thanks for stopping by, see ya tomorrow folks!

Welcome back friends.  The bad news is, it’s only Tuesday.  The good news is we have tons of funny status updates, pics, and videos to post to your Facebook & Twitter on this Tuesday!

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• hated when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said “u r next” They stopped that when I did the same to them after funnerals.
• ┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to addiction. (Part of the Top 100 Funny Status Updates on our iPhone App)
• A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
• Anybody can make a mistake. It takes real dedication to make all of them.
• So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
• Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
• Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it. (From our updated frequently FB Fan Page)
• Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

Thanks for stopping in.  Here is all the hilarious status updates, pictures, and videos to your Facebook and help get you through an otherwise boring week…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• She blinded me with science. By science, I mean pepper spray.
• ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶ (Download our iPhone App to use cool symbols like this!)
• The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
• Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
• If scent is a coat that you wear all day, wear one with sturdy tailoring and buttons made from sharks’ teeth.
• I wouldn’t need Facebook if there was a website that just told me whether or not my exes got fat.  (From our updated frequently FB Fan Page)
• Just like in mathematics, pie has a considerable bearing on my circumference.
• I quit smoking cold turkey. The feathers were making me gag.

Classic Chuck Norris!