Funny Status Updates for New Years Eve and New Years Day:

• Stir the eggnog, Lift the toddy. Happy New Year, Everybody!
• I’m not making any resolutions this year because I’m still working on the ones from 2003.
• I’m setting more realistic New Year’s resolutions this year, like never doing anything right and not pleasing my wife.
• Starting now, every hour, on the hour, walk up to a stranger and slip the tongue in. Because it’s midnight somewhere. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
• I can’t believe other countries are allowed to celebrate the New Year before America. Some superpower we turned out to be.
• My resolution for this new and upcoming year is that I will attempt to –and hopefully succeed– (but who is to really say what “success” is?) in being –in no uncertain terms– more succinct.
• I work 4:00pm to 12:00am, so every night is like New Year’s Eve. I’m always counting down to Midnight.

Have a safe & happy holiday, world!

Welcome back friends! Hope you’re having a great week.  Hopefully you can ligthen up a friends week with these…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App)
• They used to be called Jumpolines until your mom bounced on one back in ’72.
• New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.
• I was shabby before it was chic.
• Vegetarians maliciously starve animals by competing with them for the same food.
• Due to flooding, my kid’s school is closed. Pffft. In my day, we swam to school–uphill–both ways.
• Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. that’s why most of the women put make up and most of the men lie.
• NEVER try to self-diagnose online. Almost always ends up making you think you’re dying. WebMD should just be renamed “EnjoyYourCancer.com”. ツ ( “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily Funny Status Updates)
• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re good. Fool me four times, WOW! Did you major in fooling?
• If you do a Google Image search for the number ’241543903′, you will find out why the human race is so fantastic.
• Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
• A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body. (From our Twitter Account: @FreeFunnyStuff )

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No one can resist ALF doing Tom Cruise… Especially Germans, for some reason they love Alf & David Hasselhoff, both covered in controversy.

If you’d like more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Hope you’re having a wonderful Tuesday.  Make your friends laugh with these…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App)
• God made relatives. Thank God we can choose our friends!
• Snow Tip: The other people out shoveling are called “neighbors.” They are like Facebook friends who live nearby.
• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
• Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? ツ ( “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily Funny Status Updates)
• The new ipod nano should have come with a warning label: Wrapped up may resemble a ring box..
• Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
• If you have plans to teach your children the value of dollar, you better hurry up.
• One step forward, two steps back. Now that’s what I call time travel.
• I haven’t been to work in four days. I’ve almost forgotten how to play solitaire and minesweeper.
• My gas tank goes from zero to $30.00 in under a minute.
• What’s the speed of dark? (From our Twitter Account: @FreeFunnyStuff )

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If you’d like more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Hope you had a great Holiday weekend!  Get tons of comments/likes from your friends by posting these…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App)
• I hate it when someone forgets to cover their mouth when they sneeze and they spray it right atchoo.
• All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
• Don’t get mad at me your child found out Santa is not real through Facebook. He’s either too young to be on Facebook or too old to believe in Santa. Top quality parenting.
• I’m all for technology and the development of mankind, but automated talking toilets are just too much. We need to bring it down a notch.
• My favorite Christmas gift is the company of family and the love of friends that I can now ignore with my new iPad.
• I am the ghost of Christmas Passed Out. ツ ( “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily Funny Status Updates)
• If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers !
• Half the people on Facebook are borderline illiterate. Y R U wrting lik this? Do you need Gwen & Fergie to spell words via pop song to learn?
• I was trying to explain the concept of Twitter to my mate. He said, “I don’t follow you.” (From our Twitter Account: @FreeFunnyStuff )

Check this link out: In their status updates, people are more positive in the a.m. Read more findings in new research from our data team: http://ow.ly/3tVRH

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You gotta respect brutal honesty.  Ha!

Funny Video to Post:

Ellen + Pranks = Win every time.

If you’d like more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.