Welcome back from the weekend to the work/school week my funny facebook wanting friends.  Perhaps not grammatically correct, my sentence’s are. However they are good in my book.  That being said here are your bloody clever facebook status updates:

• I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching.
• A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged yet.
• Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
• Eating Bologna & Peanut Butter sandwiches.  Don’t knock it till you try it.
• Google “Chuck Norris” and then click I’m feeling lucky.

Funny Video of the day:

Embed Link: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/696639/

Alrighty kiddies , that is it for today.  Cyaaaa tomorrow!

Try saying that fifty times fast.  Well kids, it is the end of the week and once again you are craving the hottest funniest facebook status updates in the industry.  And folks, this is it.  So here ya go, you’re welcome:

• Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
• Insurance that no matter where you go, you can sway to the seductive crooning of Al Green, and/or Dokken.
• If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting
• I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
• Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?

Funny video of the day:

Embed link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9fIjYnPazc

Stay tuned folks cuz, it’s about to get a lot better here.  Not that it was bad.  But, you know… better is better.

Welcome to Thursday.  You made it the majority of the way through the week.  Bad news is tomorrow is Friday.  Good news is tomorrow is Friday.  Here are your funny facebook status updates:

• I’m like Costco. I’m big, I’m not fancy, and I dare you to not like me.

• If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

• So much to time, so little do.

• A funny thing to do is, if you’re out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you’re going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who’s going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That’s why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

• I’ll be gone till November, gone till November….

Funny Video of the day:

Embed Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMnk7lh9M3o

That’s it mofo’s happy thursday and cya tomorrow.

So, you think you’re sooooo cool Hump Day?   Well, you ain’t!  But, you know what is cool?  Funny Facebook Status Updates.  And that my friends is what we gots, so without further ado, I give you…

FUNNY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES:

• The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
• You don’t drink, you don’t smoke… what do you do?
• What is a “free” gift ? Aren’t all gifts free?
• Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat?  I’m open to hearing arguments for both, and FIGHT…
• iPhone emoji’s are addicting (insert silly iPhone emoji here)

Funny Quote of the Day:

Video of the DizzAy:

Video embed link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdawiz6RAl4

Woohoo, it’s freakin’ Tuesday. You know what that means right?!?!?!   More awesome funny hilarious facebook status updates for you!

Funny Facebook Status Updates:

• If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
• I won’t rise to the occasion, but I’ll slide over to it.
• Naomi is imoan backwards, think about it.
• I wonder why Discovery doesn’t have a Mongoose Week?
• Everybody is a prostitute in some way, some people just get paid for it.

Video of the Day:

Embed Link: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/cd14a180a2/ed-hardy-boyz

Catch you tomorrow, yo!