Aziz Ansari, Technology, and 21 Spectacular Status Updates

Make someones day, share these…

21 Spectacular Status Updates:

  1. There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
  2. If you pay entry fee to a marathon, they literally give you a run for your money.
  3. Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
  4. Smiles can hide so much; fear, pain ,sadness, tears. But than again they reflect one thing; strength.
  5. The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
  6. Universal Fact: Your Girlfriend Misses You The Most When You’re Partying With Your Friends.
  7. New STD called, “feelings”.. Don’t catch that sh*t.
  8. Don’t dress like a hoe and expect a guy to approach you like a princess.
  9. I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
  10. Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.
  11. My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
  12. Yo fellas how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?
  13. If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell “He’s got a gun!” and then you’ll look like a cool hero.
  14. Math Problem: A smalltown girl boards a train leaving South Detroit at midnight. If she doesn’t stop believing, how long is her Journey?
  15. Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don’t eat anything else today….. and tomorrow.
  16. I’m on a quest around the world to find Bigfoot. I’d originally set out to find cheap gas, but I decided to keep my goals realistic.
  17. You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
  18. People who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they cant even finish the joke because they’re laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people.
  19. Found a cigarette butt next to the mousetrap in my room. Like he sat there and thought about it.
  20. Fun game to play at the movies: not bringing your f*cking baby.
  21. I am sooo glad I was young, wild & crazy before there were cell phones & evidence.

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The Unaired SNL Sketch: Nasim Pedrad As Aziz Ansari…

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Dead on! She’s hilarious :) what a great gal. Share if you enjoyed.

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Kids Job Interview, Crazy Math, and Weird Status Updates

Get over hump day, share one of these…

Weird Facebook Status Updates:

  1. I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
  2. Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
  3. The awkward moment when you mispronounce organism in science class.
  4. I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
  5. You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
  6. 2 things I look for in a woman: Intelligence and a filthy mind. So, basically a pervert with a high IQ.
  7. I want a hot body but I also want hot wings.
  8. No matter what they did to you to make you hate them, you just can’t forget about someone that was good in bed.
  9. The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
  10. No one your age has any idea what they’re doing either. No matter what age you are.
  11. I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
  12. I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, “This is why we have to stay in school”
  13. Good thing I’m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
  14. People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald’s scare me.
  15. A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
  16. What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
  17. Here’s a crazy concept, maybe I’m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it’s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
  18. If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
  19. That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
  20. Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.

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Kids Mimic “Job Interview” (Hilarious!)

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You’re fired! I’m just kidding, you’re hired. LOL!

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.

When You Notice, Never Shave, and Funny Status Posts

Tuesday will be fun when you share….

Funny Status Update Posts:

  1. Tuesday, I just can’t with you right now.
  2. I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
  3. My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
  4. Congratulations on being the kind of person who corrects the grammar of others, unsolicited. You’re the Microsoft Word Paperclip.
  5. I’ve finally worked up the courage to tell you how I feel: I feel hungry.
  6. Do you ever eat a delicious meal, then save the best bits of whatever is on the plate for the “perfect last bite”?
  7. I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
  8. I knew I should have stayed in bed today.
  9. Single white sock seeks same.
  10. If she shaves it and you ain’t gettin’ it. Someone else is…
  11. Not only do I believe cannabis should be legalized, it should also be forcibly administered to Congress.
  12. “Oh, you’re left handed?” – people who see me writing with my left hand, curious if I’m just doing it for show.
  13. This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.
  14. That awkward moment when a stranger looks at you while you are taking a selfie.
  15. This whole grown-up thing has been fun but I have to go now.
  16. The Send All function should require another person to key in a code like you would for a nuclear launch.
  17. I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille.
  18. The best part about living alone is that no one is there to witness your bad choices. Well, other than your cat.
  19. Anyone else feel that iTunes is complete sh*t?
  20. The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates… | Win an iPad Mini

Never Shave Your Beard:

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Little girl is so adorable! You can literally see the moment when she realizes that’s daddy :) So cute!

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.