Dog Can Walk Again, Multiple Personalities, & 20 Great Facebook Status Updates

Score more likes, share one of these…

20 Great Facebook Status Updates:

  1. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that “morning” and “mourning” sound the same…
  2. Before calling me, ask yourself, “Is this textable?”
  3. LIFE HACK: You literally don’t have to be friends with people you don’t like.
  4. *texts back 6 weeks later* sorry I fell asleep
  5. It’s kinda scary when you waste an entire day doing nothing and time just passes.
  6. Sometimes I wish I was full of tacos instead of emotions.
  7. I love sleep because it’s a Time Machine to Breakfast.
  8. Some people should come with subtitles.
  9. The uglier I look around you, the closer friends we are.
  10. “OK we HAVE to stop eating this.”
    *takes one more bite*
  11. Every morning that isn’t Saturday morning makes me want to cry.
  12. Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
  13. Home is where your mom is.
  14. There’s only one thing better than the cutest cat in the world. Literally any dog.
  15. Gotta run to Target. See you in about half my paycheck.
  16. That horrible feeling you get when you’re not asleep anymore.
  17. If you hear someone sing Jingle Bells and you don’t respond with Batman smells then I don’t wanna be friends with you.
  18. 1. Buy groceries. 2. Overeat. 3. Eat all groceries in 4 days. 4. Starve for two weeks. 5. Repeat.
  19. The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
  20. How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog Can Walk Again, Thanks To 3D Printing…

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What a beautiful story, share or like if you enjoyed!

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That One Friend, Guilty Dog Strikes Again, and Smart Status Updates

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20 Smart Status Updates:

  1. Adulthood: I haven’t checked my bank account in weeks, but my card hasn’t been declined yet so everything must be fine.
  2. My parents are lucky I was too lazy to go through a rebellious phase.
  3. My whole life is just “oh ok”
  4. *puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
  5. Boom, crash, the sound of my grades.
  6. Do you ever have those people that just annoy you so much and you don’t even know why but they just infuriate you?
  7. Two tips for Christmas:
    1) Forget the past, you can’t change it.
    2) Forget the present, I didn’t get you one.
  8. It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
  9. A careful driver is one who just saw the car ahead of him get a traffic ticket.
  10. I don’t like being around people who don’t eat as much as I do.
  11. That horrible feeling you get when you’re not asleep anymore.
  12. The older I get, the more I understand someone’s desire to just say-”F-ck it. I’m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge.”
  13. Decided to make a life altering decision today…. When I think of it I’ll let you know.
  14. I don’t like who I am when I see a wasp.
  15. That awkward moment when you don’t understand the feeling that you’re feeling.
  16. Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
  17. Yes, I’m wearing sunglasses inside. No, I don’t wanna talk about it.
  18. I put on a layer of fat for the winter. Unfortunately, I put it on in the winter of ’98.
  19. I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
  20. One day you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you’re toast.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

The Internets Most Guilty Dog Strikes Again:

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That’s one guilty doggie :) he clearly knows he’s been caught red… lipped! Share if you enjoyed.

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Bad Decisions, Elephant Picks Up Trash, and 20 Silly Facebook Status Posts

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20 Silly Facebook Status Posts:

  1. Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
  2. Why do medications always have side effects like ‘anal leakage’ & ‘suicidal thoughts’? Why not ‘invisibility’ or ‘spontaneous orgasms’?
  3. What do sleeping and sex have in common? I’m not getting nearly enough of either.
  4. Next time I open the door for someone and they aren’t courteous enough to say thank you or acknowledge that I did something nice for them, I’m going to rip them back out the door and say try again!
  5. Man: You look pretty today.
    Woman: Did I look bad yesterday? It was my hair wasn’t it? You think I’m fat.
  6. It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
  7. If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
  8. Psychopaths and Eskimos are the only groups of people who can comfortably sleep with socks on.
  9. If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.
  10. That’s a horrible idea. What time?
  11. If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
  12. That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent.”
  13. Sometimes God takes you through troubled waters, not to drown you but to cleanse you..
  14. This would look great on you. *points at self
  15. The heart wants what the liquor store has.
  16. Love is just a bunch of feelings put into four letters.
  17. This patience thing takes forever.
  18. People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
  19. Costco: The most expensive place in the world to save money.
  20. Dogs eat “dog food” everyday and it has everything their bodies need, why isn’t there a human equivalent to “dog food”?

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Elephant Picks Up Trash:

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What an amazing elephant. Just trying to make the world a better place, one day at a time :) Please feel free to share if you enjoyed.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.

Orphan Baby Goat, Cop Dogs, and 20 Best Status Updates

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20 Best Facebook Status Updates:

  1. My life feels like M. Night Shyamalan is directing it because it makes absolutely no sense and I don’t even wanna finish it.
  2. You don’t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent’s house.
  3. The first rule of selfie club should be clean your room.
  4. me: *owns 264 unread books*
    me: *buys 17 new books*
    me: *rereads harry potter*
  5. I believe in hate at first sight.
  6. You shouldn’t be sad because sad spelled backwards is das and das not good.
  7. Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You’re annoying enough as it is.
  8. Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a Candy Crush invite.
  9. Rompers are great until someone has to pee.
  10. Holiday survival tip: A candy cane can be sucked into a weapon.
  11. No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
  12. I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
  13. That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent.”
  14. Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
  15. “Oh holy shit, what the hell is this!” -people who request songs on the radio discovering the internet for the first time
  16. A lot of people have a fear of flying. Not me. I have a fear of crashing and dying.
  17. I’m suspicious of people who don’t like dogs…But I totally trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person.
  18. I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
  19. Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
  20. Some people should come with subtitles.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Orphan Baby Goat Gets Adopted:

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The way that little fella jumps around melts my heart. Share if it melts yours!

Have a great weekend! Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App. See you on Monday :)