Make your weekend last longer, share these…
20 Tasty Facebook Statuses:
- I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!
- What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.
- They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
- When my phone dies and I don’t have a charger, I might as well be Amish.
- Most stress is caused by three things: family, money, and family with no money.
- I’m really over this whole working for a living thing.
- I’m happy as long as I’m not hungry.
- There’s always time for a glass of wine.
- Wedding cake… one last reminder of what it was like to shove something in her mouth.
- Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
- I will never trust anyone enough to let them scroll through my photos unsupervised.
- I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
- That moment when you want to throw a lamp at someone so they’ll lighten the f*ck up.
- I showered and came to work. Asking me to be productive is pushing it.
- If I haven’t said something vulgar to you then we probably aren’t good friends.
- The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single last one of them.
- Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
- For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
- I’m not sure where you learned to whisper but I’m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by chainsaws.
- After reading this sentence you will notice that the the brain doesn’t recognize the second the.
Cat Works at Pizza Hut, this is his job:
He does his job well, not a speck of dust in that Pizza hut!