Black Friday Status Updates

Let the madness begin, share one of these…

Black Friday Status Updates:

  1. Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
  2. Am I the only person who thinks that restaurants should have Black Friday sales too?
  3. Some people should buy a sense of humor on Black Friday.
  4. Black Friday through the years:
    2005: 5am
    2010: 3am
    2012: 12am
    2013: Thursday 8pm
    2014: Thursday.
    2020: 4th of July
  5. Mom can I borrow $2000 for Black Friday shopping?
  6. It’s ironic that retailers complain about insanity on Black Friday, and yet, they choose to call their best deals “door busters.”
  7. Who wants to put on bear costumes with me and tear apart the tents of people camping outside the stores for Black Friday?
  8. Black Friday more like Black Everyday.
  9. If I die at Walmart on Black Friday, please drag my body to Nordstroms. Thank You.
  10. Black Friday shopping be like 😂
  11. I’m sorry your life is a bigger mess than Walmart on Black Friday.
  12. When my husband notices my Black Friday purchases I just blame it on identity theft.
  13. Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
  14. I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
  15. I skip Black Friday because my hatred of mankind outweighs my love for stuff.
  16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
  17. Black Friday : because only in America people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
  18. Outta my way, it’s Black Friday!
  19. Sorry there’s no Black Friday deal for the hospital visit you’ll need after Black Friday!
  20. I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale!

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Black Friday in Japan…

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These people do know that you can buy stuff online, right?

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Thanksgiving Status Updates 2014

Happy Thanksgiving! Share one of these…

Thanksgiving Day Status Updates for Facebook:

  1. Who does not thank for little, will not thank for much.
  2. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
  3. Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
  4. Treat every meal like it’s Thanksgiving dinner.
  5. Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.
  6. Thanksgiving also known as “Instagram a Turkey” day.
  7. An optimist is a person who starts a new diet after Thanksgiving Day dinner.
  8. Thanksgiving is the middle child of the holidays.
  9. Halloween and Thanksgiving are our ways of fattening up before the colder months.
  10. If your microwave stops working the day after Thanksgiving, you are quitting leftovers cold turkey.
  11. If you become a vegan before Thanksgiving, you are quitting Cold Turkey.
  12. You can never make too much gravy for Thanksgiving. It’s the meaty sleepy time juice everyone needs.
  13. The people who talk politics at thanksgiving have no idea they’re the ones their relatives are dreading seeing.
  14. I’m thankful for the wine I’ll be drinking while I listen to you complain how difficult it was to travel here.
  15. I can’t wait to pack more carbs in my body than in the turkey’s this Thanksgiving.
  16. I’m gonna sleep so much over thanksgiving break it’s not even funny.
  17. Believe in giving more and needing less this season!
  18. Google should change their name to “Gobble” on Thanksgiving.
  19. “Yeah I really needed to make a change for the better in my life so I quit cold turkey” – Guy who only eats hot turkey
  20. Who doesn’t eat on Thanksgiving? – A turkey because it is always stuffed.
  21. At what point in adulthood do I get to graduate from the “kids” table?

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Surprise Thanksgiving For a Homeless Man:

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Everyone deserves a good meal with friends and family on Thanksgiving and I’m glad they helped give this man a special surprise. Please share if that touched your heart!

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.
Happy Thanksgiving from all of us at FunnyStatus! Check back tomorrow for a very special Black Friday update :)

Dog Wins Race, Protesting, and 20 Amazing Facebook Status Updates

Score more likes, share these…

20 Amazing Facebook Status Updates:

  1. I’m not antisocial. It’s just that most people don’t make the cut.
  2. It’s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops.
  3. Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
  4. Ugh, do I have to?
  5. First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
  6. “I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
  7. That awkward moment when someone tries to correct you on something you clearly know more about.
  8. If you guys ever need anything always remember I’m just an unanswered phone call away.
  9. OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
  10. If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
  11. Do you guys ever just stare into the sunset and think: I locked the door, right?
  12. I hope those commercials about the trans-vaginal mesh have helped enough people to make up for the amount of trauma they’ve inflicted on me.
  13. Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
  14. A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
  15. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
  16. Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
  17. You and I make perfect nonsense.
  18. I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
  19. Can’t believe I grew up for this.
  20. Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog Wins Race… In a Different Way…

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That’s a bully dog! Winning the race through fear and intimidation :P

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App. Make sure to stop by tomorrow for a special Thanksgiving Day edition of Funny Status!

Fake Ping Pong, Allergies, and 20 Brilliant Facebook Posts

Make someones Tuesday, share one of these…

20 Brilliant Facebook Posts:

  1. There should be a hat store called “ALL CAPS” where the employees all yell at you.
  2. Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
  3. Why should I apologize for the monster I’ve become? Nobody has ever apologized for making me this way.
  4. me: I’m over it.
    me: *thinks about it 6294729 times*
  5. I’m so excited that you’re having a baby! And even more excited that I’m not.
  6. I wish bread didn’t make you fat.
  7. Have you tried insulting each other until the romance comes back?
  8. Your message was sent, received, seen, ignored, screen captured, sent to friends and ridiculed.
  9. Internet: you’ve made a compelling argument.
    Sleep: present your case.
  10. Relationships are an expensive way to watch someone slowly like you less and less.
  11. I have the world’s best opinions.
  12. Remember, every six cats equals one boyfriend.
  13. You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an asshole.
  14. Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.
  15. Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
  16. A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
  17. Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
  18. Very excited to announce I’m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable.
  19. I’m pretty good at keeping my shit together. Until there’s a bee around.
  20. Telling someone not to be sad because others have it worse, is like telling people they can’t be happy because others have it better.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

London Underground Tongue Click Ping Pong Battle:

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That was an epic fictional battle of Pong. Wonder how often they practice?

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.