Oldtown funk, new relationships, and the 20 best Facebook statuses.

Make your weekend last longer, share one of these…

20 Best Facebook Status Updates:

  1. When you say “9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans” all I hear is “There is a bear out there who knows how to use matches”.
  2. I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
  3. *stays home*
    I should’ve gone out
    *goes out*
    I should’ve stayed home
  4. I like my bed more than I like most people.
  5. Every day is Treat Yo’ Self day in my life.
  6. Drunk people, children and leggings always tell the truth.
  7. That awkward moment when someone is staring at you and you don’t know why so you double/triple check everything about yourself.
  8. Take the word “basically” out of any sentence you say with the word ” basically ” in it and you’ll find out there was absolutely no need to say “basically”. Basically it’s to make you try to make you sound clever, basically.
  9. I hate when you sit in class and do absolutely nothing.. like, I could do this shit in the comfort of my own bed.
  10. I just saw a dude wearing uggs get arrested. Not sure what for, but I’m hoping it was because he was wearing uggs.
  11. The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
  12. Don’t make me use UPPERCASE.
  13. It’s not holding a grudge. It’s remembering facts. Forever.
  14. There should be an energy drink named 6 AM toddler.
  15. I am a big believer in random acts of kindness. Also random acts of karate chop to the throat.
  16. How much time did you spend on your hair before you took a selfie of your boobs?
  17. Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
  18. I want to spend the rest of my cell phone battery with you.
  19. -Beginning of relationship- 1) Don’t ever change. 2) You have to change. 3) You’ve changed. -End of relationship-
  20. When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Group of Talented Seniors Cover “Uptown Funk” in a Spectacular Fashion:

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That was really well done, loved it! Like/Share if you did too.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App. We’ll see you on Monday!

Same Shirt, Cute Karate Kid, & Ridiculous Facebook Statuses

Make someones day, share one of these..

20 Ridiculous Facebook Statuses:

  1. Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
  2. I either want to spend my day going out & doing stuff with friends or I want to spend it in bed with zero human contact. No in between.
  3. The only math I care about:
    You + Me – Clothes + Pizza + Nutella = LOVE
  4. I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
  5. You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
  6. That awkward moment when you’re talking about someone and they’re right behind you.
  7. People who make me laugh until I’m physically in pain are my favorite kind of people.
  8. Ironically the only way I’d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
  9. Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they’re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
  10. Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met? “Well, it all started one day when your dad ‘liked’ one of my selfies.”
  11. Here’s the thing, you will never ever feel like a grown up. You will one day though, feel old.
  12. me: *gets anxious over nothing*
    me: wait this is stupid everything is fine
    me: wait
    me: but what if its not
  13. People who type awe when you mean aww, look up the definition of awe. I’ll wait. Yeah, see? So stop doing that.
  14. My lemonade contains artificial flavoring. My laundry detergent contains real lemons. F*ck everything.
  15. Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
  16. First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.
  17. When you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
  18. I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
  19. What if our entire universe is just in a tiny glass jar placed neatly on a shelf in an alien child’s room as a science project.
  20. Make your employees work 8x faster by constantly playing that music from Sonic the Hedgehog when you’ve been under water for too long.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Cute Karate Kid Video..

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That’s one disciplined and adorable kid! She’s going to be

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.

Talking Dog, Set Them Free, and 20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses

Make it over humpday, share one of these..

20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses:

  1. You can’t control everything. Your hair was put on your head as a reminder of that.
  2. When your kids are little you’re a super hero.
    When they’re teens you’re a super villain.
    After that, your only power is invisibility.
  3. Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
  4. I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
  5. Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me.
  6. Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?
  7. A UPS truck is like the adult version of an ice cream truck.
  8. What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
  9. LIKE if you still have to whisper “Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty” to yourself.
  10. When life throws me a curveball, I try to duck so it hits someone else.
  11. I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
  12. Full disclosure, I will attend literally any event that involves wine & cheese.
  13. A court date is still technically a date, right?
  14. My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
  15. Everyone reserves the right to lie when the doctor asks how many drinks they have each week.
  16. I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
  17. Dating you makes me want to be a better person. So I can date better people.
  18. Who let me adult? I CAN’T ADULT!
  19. Every day I have to remind myself that summer is one day closer. But then WAFFLES.
  20. I need a partner in wine.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

So, Dogs Can Talk Now..

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That was insane. It sounded like a kid!

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.

Odd Names, Baby Laughs Like Troll, and 20 Great Facebook Statuses

Start some good conversations, share one of these..

20 Great Facebook Statuses:

  1. I hate morning people, mornings, and people.
  2. Winning isn’t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your enemy is also important.
  3. My hobbies:
    - switching between the same three apps for hours
    - imagining myself in situations that will literally never exist
  4. That horrible moment when you make eye contact with the person who runs a mall kiosk.
  5. I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
  6. Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
  7. The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
  8. Who me? Just fixing society’s problems by liking and sharing shit on Facebook.
  9. You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
  10. Some souls are consumed with what grows in the garden of others and then wonder, why their own does not flourish.
  11. Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
  12. So far I’ve spent most of 2015 flipping off the weather channel.
  13. The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
  14. When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
  15. This guy tailgating me is going to be really surprised when he finds out I have this condition where I just randomly slam on my brakes.
  16. Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s #selfie on Instagram. Their reactions are priceless.
  17. Frustrating to know I’ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
  18. “Careful, there’s poop on the dance floor.” – how ballet was invented.
  19. Of course I don’t hold grudges! I’m a woman, I carry them around in my designer purse everywhere I go.
  20. Depression is just your body’s way of saying it needs more orgasms.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Baby Laughs Like a Troll:

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Dat laugh doe! How incredibly cute. Feel free to share/like if you enjoyed.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.