One of these will make you laugh, guaranteed…
20 Absurd Facebook Statuses:
- I Put Red Bull in my coffee pot this morning instead of water. Right now, I can see noises.
- Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
- When I was little I didn’t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it’s obvious that my parents didn’t care either.
- Ever have a plan for the day, then 4pm rolls around and you’ve achieved literally nothing?
- I waved goodbye to normal a long time ago.
- A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
- Sometimes those who don’t socialize much aren’t actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people.
- I’m in shape…
Unfortunately that shape is a potato.
- “You know what I think they should do in Gaza?” tweeted the man half a world away from the safety and comfort of his reclining chair.
- Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
- To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
- My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
- If you’re looking to work 2 hours a day, 3 days a week for about $1000 a week please contact me!!! We can look for it together.
- Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
- Apple is the Empire. Android is the Republic. Blackberry is Jar Jar Binks.
- Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
- The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
- It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
- Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
- Hard to believe I once had a phone ATTACHED TO A WALL. When it rang I’d pick it up WITHOUT KNOWING WHO WAS CALLING. Amazing I’m still alive.
Thirsty Bird Asks Humans for Help…
Took long enough for those silly humans to catch on. Smart bird :P